Aii... Days have passed, conversations have been had, and I feel a bit better.
I bought a new journal, and a pretty dress. I saw some friends who were sad, and saw some other friends get sad. I looked after my boy when he got sick, and felt needed, and realised that while I have him, and my friends, it will be okay.
Optimism is okay, but the unwavering optimism I've lived by previously is naive.
For the record: Reading "He's Just Not That Into You" will make you paranoid.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Weltschmerz.
World-pain. Sadness or depression at the state of, and unfairness of, the world, and humanity.
Optimism is a load of crap.
So is fate.
I've always said that there's someone perfect out there for everyone, and everything will be okay in the end, and fate will lead you to the right path.
If that's so, why did Daniel kill himself? It won't be okay for him, or his parents, or his friends. Why did Emily's dad have to die? It will never be okay for Emily or her family, and of all the people who could have been on that road, why someone who was so special to someone so amazing? Why is Nick so sad? And why do people think that killing themselves, or other people, will ever make anything better?
It isn't fair. I know life isn't fair, and it's something we have to accept. I can also accept I've been naive. The world isn't all sunshine and smiles, and nor is my little bubble in it.
=(
World-pain. Sadness or depression at the state of, and unfairness of, the world, and humanity.
Optimism is a load of crap.
So is fate.
I've always said that there's someone perfect out there for everyone, and everything will be okay in the end, and fate will lead you to the right path.
If that's so, why did Daniel kill himself? It won't be okay for him, or his parents, or his friends. Why did Emily's dad have to die? It will never be okay for Emily or her family, and of all the people who could have been on that road, why someone who was so special to someone so amazing? Why is Nick so sad? And why do people think that killing themselves, or other people, will ever make anything better?
It isn't fair. I know life isn't fair, and it's something we have to accept. I can also accept I've been naive. The world isn't all sunshine and smiles, and nor is my little bubble in it.
=(
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Phwee...
Holidays is so close to being over =(
Yet I'm looking forward to getting back to school. Primarily because then I'll be that much closer to finishing. I know I'll regret wishing away my childhood etc., but I'm just so pleased with the direction things are taking...
Work is hectic and icky, and I've started getting messages at home from clients, which is weird. Another reason I want to get back to school being I don't have to work as much.
Hopefully I can take some time off next week and relax a little...
*le sigh*
But but but, I found my dream house. Slight problem being Tom's family lives in it already.
All will be good.
Holidays is so close to being over =(
Yet I'm looking forward to getting back to school. Primarily because then I'll be that much closer to finishing. I know I'll regret wishing away my childhood etc., but I'm just so pleased with the direction things are taking...
Work is hectic and icky, and I've started getting messages at home from clients, which is weird. Another reason I want to get back to school being I don't have to work as much.
Hopefully I can take some time off next week and relax a little...
*le sigh*
But but but, I found my dream house. Slight problem being Tom's family lives in it already.
All will be good.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Me: *expression of 'I love you and wish I could be with you now'*
Boy: =)
Boy: I love tuna.
*blush* Hee.
Cups of warm tea, the hum of my computer, semi-late-night serenity, post-bath-time warmth, and satisfaction at a relax-ed-ly productive day. A pretty good combination I'd say.
So, we moved house. Well, half of me did.
[And my mum just said "Ni-night my chicken sandwich" o_O We had chicken sandwiches for dinner...]
We moved into a townhouse in Swinger Hill (awesome name, eh?) with 3 flights of stairs, floral accentuations, and a completely flawlessly coordinated baby-pink and baby-blue colour scheme. But with our green antique couches and pretty-folkie top-of-bookshelf paraphenalia, the living room manages to look kind of 70s-group-house cute at night. If you call the back yard North and the front Courtyard South, the East and West interior walls are exposed dark brown bricks, which is kind of cool.
I'm trying to overcome the baby-pink-and-blue-with-rocking-horse-paper-freize-ness of my room with me-ness, and I think I'm making some progress... Main wall is well and truly poster'd, and looks awesome. Window-sill is covered in candles, plus little ornaments like blue glass bottle with drying red rose in it. However today I lit a bunch of candles, and they dripped wax all over the wood and I hope my mum doesn't see... But now I put them in this super pretty metal dish/basket-y type thing, which looks very pretty ^_^ If only my room had more surfaces on which to put objects larger than a mug. My room consists of: Bed (this is a pretty major affair, while physically only queen sized, it is dark and invasive-looking, and too awkward to fit comfortably in my little room and still have any accesible space for other things.), little matching bedside chest-of-drawers, built-in-wardrobe. That is all that will fit. I think encompass appropriate amount of candles, I shall need to get one of those big candle holder pretty things you hand on the wall and put tealights in. (I have some cute warm-coloured candles which are the size of a tealight at the bottom, but taller, and even though they'll burn out quickly, they're $2.95 for 12 at Coscut.) Thankfully, room also has ceiling hooks, from which I shall hang mosquito net =) This causes me to be quite delighted. And almost makes me want to keep my room clean. Almost. I really don't feel like sleeping tonight, so I think I shall get the whole putting-away-all-my-clothes thing over and done with. Slight problem in that I have many more clothes than hangers and hanging-space, and no-where to store clothes but hanging. I am thinking I would almost settle for a single bed if it meant I could have storage space ^^;;; Though if I put the second matching bedside thinger at the end of my bed, I can put my art stuff in it, which means I can use the shelf at the top of my wardrobe.
Anyway, all that logical stuff doesn't *really* matter. I have pretty candles and a pretty wall and somewhere to hang my mosquito net and if it's sunny tomorrow I'll wash lots of clothes and maybe go fly my kite on the oval with boy.
Hmm, and then there's that whole New Year thing. It pleases me. And I'm very optimistic. About school, about life after school, about friends, about boy. I read a little quote, and it kind of sums up my primary perspective on the progression of things. "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
It kind of helps me to see that the little things help. I know everything will be alright, and that I can acheive what I want to if I put my mind to it. And I know that getting there will be very enjoyable if I make an effort to make things nice. I want to plant sunflowers along my back fence in nice big terracotta pots. I want to keep adding to wall, cover my door, my cupboards, my ceiling. I want to get my (awesome bright yellow totally retro cool) bike fixed up soon and put a basket on the back and put picnics in it and my kite and find nice little places to just be and live and smile. I want to walk lots while it's still warm so I can continue to feel good about myself; I've never had self-esteem as high as I do now. I want to catch up with old friends who I've neglected. I want to catch up with new friends who I don't really get a chance to chat to. I want to stop spending my money on crap and spend on things which I want and need and which will make me happy in the long run; instead of silly string and food I don't want, a new camera, art supplies, trips to Sydney, Summer Puddin' tea at Essen. I want to make more of my friends phone-friends; I miss long phone conversations with girlfriends. I want to buy more fresh fruit. I want to get a nice teapot. I want to stop filling my body with stuff it doesn't like, like junkfood and alcohol etc., maybe I'll actually learn to cook some stuff, and eat properly instead of buying junk or not eating. I want to actually do the things I say I will. I want to go to all my classes, do my work on time, and not disappoint my teachers, and prove to my mother that I can do it. I want to spend some time at my dad's and paint my room, just chilling to my music and seeing where it takes my mind, and what I can create; I've always wanted a silhouette of a fairy blowing bubbles on my wall. I want to write more and more and keep thinking like this and letting my imagination go.
Near my house is a nice little playground with swings and a little thing I can sit on. It's good that being so close to neighbours etc. I'll still be able to get away a little.. I think it'll be a nice place to write..
Anyways, I hope I've sated Lani, and I know I've sated myself a little. So I think it's time to go and sort through mountains of clothes ^^;;
Goodnight, sleep tight. 2006 was so amazingly transitive, and in 2007 I'll see where those changes will take me.
Boy: =)
Boy: I love tuna.
*blush* Hee.
Cups of warm tea, the hum of my computer, semi-late-night serenity, post-bath-time warmth, and satisfaction at a relax-ed-ly productive day. A pretty good combination I'd say.
So, we moved house. Well, half of me did.
[And my mum just said "Ni-night my chicken sandwich" o_O We had chicken sandwiches for dinner...]
We moved into a townhouse in Swinger Hill (awesome name, eh?) with 3 flights of stairs, floral accentuations, and a completely flawlessly coordinated baby-pink and baby-blue colour scheme. But with our green antique couches and pretty-folkie top-of-bookshelf paraphenalia, the living room manages to look kind of 70s-group-house cute at night. If you call the back yard North and the front Courtyard South, the East and West interior walls are exposed dark brown bricks, which is kind of cool.
I'm trying to overcome the baby-pink-and-blue-with-rocking-horse-paper-freize-ness of my room with me-ness, and I think I'm making some progress... Main wall is well and truly poster'd, and looks awesome. Window-sill is covered in candles, plus little ornaments like blue glass bottle with drying red rose in it. However today I lit a bunch of candles, and they dripped wax all over the wood and I hope my mum doesn't see... But now I put them in this super pretty metal dish/basket-y type thing, which looks very pretty ^_^ If only my room had more surfaces on which to put objects larger than a mug. My room consists of: Bed (this is a pretty major affair, while physically only queen sized, it is dark and invasive-looking, and too awkward to fit comfortably in my little room and still have any accesible space for other things.), little matching bedside chest-of-drawers, built-in-wardrobe. That is all that will fit. I think encompass appropriate amount of candles, I shall need to get one of those big candle holder pretty things you hand on the wall and put tealights in. (I have some cute warm-coloured candles which are the size of a tealight at the bottom, but taller, and even though they'll burn out quickly, they're $2.95 for 12 at Coscut.) Thankfully, room also has ceiling hooks, from which I shall hang mosquito net =) This causes me to be quite delighted. And almost makes me want to keep my room clean. Almost. I really don't feel like sleeping tonight, so I think I shall get the whole putting-away-all-my-clothes thing over and done with. Slight problem in that I have many more clothes than hangers and hanging-space, and no-where to store clothes but hanging. I am thinking I would almost settle for a single bed if it meant I could have storage space ^^;;; Though if I put the second matching bedside thinger at the end of my bed, I can put my art stuff in it, which means I can use the shelf at the top of my wardrobe.
Anyway, all that logical stuff doesn't *really* matter. I have pretty candles and a pretty wall and somewhere to hang my mosquito net and if it's sunny tomorrow I'll wash lots of clothes and maybe go fly my kite on the oval with boy.
Hmm, and then there's that whole New Year thing. It pleases me. And I'm very optimistic. About school, about life after school, about friends, about boy. I read a little quote, and it kind of sums up my primary perspective on the progression of things. "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
It kind of helps me to see that the little things help. I know everything will be alright, and that I can acheive what I want to if I put my mind to it. And I know that getting there will be very enjoyable if I make an effort to make things nice. I want to plant sunflowers along my back fence in nice big terracotta pots. I want to keep adding to wall, cover my door, my cupboards, my ceiling. I want to get my (awesome bright yellow totally retro cool) bike fixed up soon and put a basket on the back and put picnics in it and my kite and find nice little places to just be and live and smile. I want to walk lots while it's still warm so I can continue to feel good about myself; I've never had self-esteem as high as I do now. I want to catch up with old friends who I've neglected. I want to catch up with new friends who I don't really get a chance to chat to. I want to stop spending my money on crap and spend on things which I want and need and which will make me happy in the long run; instead of silly string and food I don't want, a new camera, art supplies, trips to Sydney, Summer Puddin' tea at Essen. I want to make more of my friends phone-friends; I miss long phone conversations with girlfriends. I want to buy more fresh fruit. I want to get a nice teapot. I want to stop filling my body with stuff it doesn't like, like junkfood and alcohol etc., maybe I'll actually learn to cook some stuff, and eat properly instead of buying junk or not eating. I want to actually do the things I say I will. I want to go to all my classes, do my work on time, and not disappoint my teachers, and prove to my mother that I can do it. I want to spend some time at my dad's and paint my room, just chilling to my music and seeing where it takes my mind, and what I can create; I've always wanted a silhouette of a fairy blowing bubbles on my wall. I want to write more and more and keep thinking like this and letting my imagination go.
Near my house is a nice little playground with swings and a little thing I can sit on. It's good that being so close to neighbours etc. I'll still be able to get away a little.. I think it'll be a nice place to write..
Anyways, I hope I've sated Lani, and I know I've sated myself a little. So I think it's time to go and sort through mountains of clothes ^^;;
Goodnight, sleep tight. 2006 was so amazingly transitive, and in 2007 I'll see where those changes will take me.
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