I bought a new journal ^_^ The old one was yucky. It had stupid stuff in it, and it didn't feel right to write in. This one is much better.

I feel very restless.. Frustrated I suppose. I love the people around me, but hate the setting we're in. School is just crushing me. So so much work and I'm just too preoccupied with thinking and being solemn and teen-angsty to concentrate on it.

I need tea.

I've decided to start a teacup collection. It will be very pretty. And I will use all of them. Some of them will be favourites and comforting, and others will be special etc.

"It's alright if you act like a turd, because I like birds... If you're small and on a search, I've got a feeder for you to perch on."

I want to buy the pink-y red-y bohemian patchwork quilt thing I saw... I want to put it on a bed with lots of pillows and a bedside table covered in candles and incense ash. I want to have a little kitten to curl up on it, later a cat.

I want to move, start my own life so to speak. There's been (whispered) talk of moving and buying a little car and a kitten and mixing possessions in bathrooms. I like the bathrooms bit. I love my family and stuff, but I feel like I need to do my own thing. I think if I wanted to move out on my own, into a group house with strangers or something my friends might not think I was so crazy, but where's the fun in that? It's just a plan anyway, not until July. Who knows how things will go. But now that it's in my head, it's all I can think about, and everything I'm doing now pales in comparison.

"Harness your hopes to the folks
with the liquor with the ropes,
Red, red ropes, periscopes
They've got everything will ever need
stored under the chair"

I seriously need some tea.

I think I may go for a walk when family returns from sister's futsal, to Coles in search of tea.

I have a feeling tonight may not contain much sleep. I'm about halfway through one of my English texts, so I plan to finish that and try to get a first draft done for the essay. Tomorrow night I'll do it for my other English. Then there's media oral, English orals, psych essay, media film and studio assignment... Maybe this whole week won't contain much sleep?

It's so hard to do all that when I'm so inspired to sit up for hours on the back steps drinking tea, writing and looking at the sky.

"If you got a castle, well you know I got the moat"

Hmm.

10 minutes until I have to leave for school!

But I must document my happy mood!

*I'm* not pished on goon, but the pishedness of Lani, Chris and Luci last night has made me oh-so cheerful ^____^

I have blue-er hair, and a cool ribbon-watch-band and school will be so good today I'm sure ^_^

I get to make an egg!

<3

School goes back on Tuesday. Pretty spooky stuff.

Someone said to me the other night that they knew this Summer would be big. It certainly has been. Sadness in abundance, but it made everyone think about things.

I've had so many D&M moments of clarity with people I care for. A little spot in a silence in a conversation where you get that this-is-right,-this-is-human feeling... It makes me wish I had more lives to live. I'm so so happy, but I wish I could be there for everyone in every way they need, but I don't have that much of me to go around, I can only do so much while guarding the relationships I'm so happy with. If that makes any sense.

We've fallen into such a comfortable niche this Summer. Essen/Civic and Dickson and Javo's couch and star watching. I doubt it's ever been so hard to go back to school as it will be now. I wonder how we ever had enough time to be good friends when we had normal responsibilities.

So, I quit slash got fired from my job… I’m thinking this is a good thing. It’ll be even better once I get out of Secretary-Mode. I’ve applied at Target (pronounced Tar-zhei darlings) which would be kind of cool, though Tara and the guys from her work who I met last night are like “OMG COME WORK AT CAFÉ PRONTO WITH US!!!” I guess I wouldn’t mind café work, but Target is standing up in air conditioning and space, Café Pronto would be standing up in busy kitchen etc. and lame. I so don’t deal well with standing up for long periods of time, it makes me dizzy ^^;;; So yeah, hopefully Target, but I’ll apply at Café Pronto if Target rejects me.

There are a lot of little things in my head today, not all of them speakable right now. I feel like I’m lying to people by not talking, like they might feel I don’t trust them. I most certainly do, but all these things are still in raw-form, and I’m not ready to share.

I’m working through this whole confusing brain thing, but at the same time, I’m trying to help a couple of other people do the same thing. My mother always says ‘if a job’s worth doing, it’s worth doing properly’, and I hope I’ll be able to do things properly while doing them all together.

On a less pensive note, I got kick-ass sunglasses. ‘Fuck-off Sunnies’ per say? Hah hah.

“You know there’s an easier way.”

Yes, I do. I just wish I could find it.

[Perhaps some more late-night-tea-fuelled musings later in the evening… Perhaps.]