So, I'm a bit worried eh?

My sister's best-friend's family live a couple of blocks away from us. We live about a 5 minute walk from the bottom of Red Hill. From the roof of their house (another 5 minute walk from our house, in the opposite direction to the hill) they've been watching the flames on the hill. Concerned? Slightly. But 104.7 is yet to tell us to evacuate, instead favouring 'shake your booty' type sentiments.

On a more positive note, my Cafepress shirt is totally underway =)

'Tickle Me Emo' badge is available (in a pack of ten.. buy some and share?), along with 'Prada Ruk' prada ruk, with 'Goon Warrior!' shirt to come shortly. (I think the shirt needs a somehow not copywrited image of some Stanley...)

Squee, christmas tomorrow =)

Christmas is tomorrow ^_______^

My sister keeps asking what I got her. I told her 'a poke in the eye with a sharp stick'. She looked over at the 5 presents with 'To Kate, Love Rosie' written on them, 'They're pretty weird shaped sticks.'

I'm l'excited =) Though mostly because I know I'm getting Palmer Cash shirts. Usually Christmas kind of goes: presents, cool I suppose, okay, presents are over, lots of food, little kids etc., then home from lunch/dinner and there's nothing to do, but you can't go out 'cause it's Christmas. But generally it's good...

I've decided to buy a camera =) I saw an add for a Kodak easyshare for like $100. So I will be buying it post Christmas I'm thinking. That plus presents for boy takes away all my housesitting money (I'm not even sure how much that will be 'cause it'll be a day less now), then I get paid once more before I have to lock my card away in preparation for Folkies and Chilli Peppers.

So uh, I talk about money lots =
I have to clean my room today... You wouldn't think a room with everything in boxes could get that messy. But it's kind of shocking, even for me.

Blegh.

Eee.

I need to not have to go to work, or to get up early in the mornings, so I can stay up late and get into that little place where I can go all stream-of-consciousness-y.

Everything is too high tension. It's meant to be calm... it's probably just me.

I've bought two christmas gifts so far. Unfortunately, one was for my boss, and I intended to give it to her before she left for France this morning. Her flight to Sydney was at 11, and I got there at 9.30, but she'd already left. So now either I'll give it to her when she gets back, or I'll take my time to get her something better and give the gift I bought for her to my aunty, or my sister's friend's parents. It's pretty ^_^

I'm going to work half an hour early, so I can come home half an hour early, so my mother won't see (and thus bitch about) my sundress + granny-cardie + white boots combination. But I like it! And my dress is purple, and I made my purple crocheted collar into a headband, and I'm wearing the amethyst earrings my boss bought me. My mother wouldn't let me out of the house ^^;;

http://www.veryliberating.com

Reading these makes me feel happily insignificant. I feel like no matter how complex things become, it will all be okay, because there are people out there dealing with things so much worse. They can still take the time to show me that. It doesn't matter if your problems seem insignificant or superficial compared to someone elses, because they're yours and you still have to deal with them; but hearing someone elses story, instead of making you feel shallow, can make you see that it's okay if the world isn't perfect, and that bad things happen to everyone, and that you can come out okay.

It makes me realise that it's okay to consider giving up, so long as you don't actually do it. Things get icky, but think of how many people, how many grown-ups, are successful, or at least doing alright. All the bad stuff now, it matters, but it will pass, and it will all work out.

I feel much more at peace having realised that. And I know sometimes, when someone says they'll never leave, they'll always be there for you, they can't hold themselves to that, but I also know that's alright because I do the same thing. People grow apart. What matters is that they mean it now, and if something happens now, you know they'll try. And when things change, and they can't be there, or they don't want to be, for whatever reason, there'll be someone else. I don't mean to say I'm fickle (though I am), or so loved that I'll never be lonely, but I have faith that no matter what happens, what relationships fall and what new ones form, there will always be somewhere to go, and someone to turn to. It's a very reassuring, and sobering thought.

I thought I'd fried my brain, that everything more than skin deep had faded from my mind, but I think I'll be okay now.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeee!

It's 10 days to Christmas! Have bought no presents! Thankfully, by Tuesday the 'and I have no money' situation should be rectified with 24 hours advanced pay! Go my boss. Plus I've been working my butt off this week, so I'll get around $300 I think. It's awesome when you have a really productive day and someone recognises it =) Today my boss was like 'You worked really hard today, thank you!' and I did! It was way good. I got to use phrases like 'continuity of curriculum through the team-teaching system' and words like 'reciprocal' ^_^ The continuity thing is my new favourite.

I'm thinking I very much need to start saving for Folkies, and that following it I may be too broke to go to the Chili Peppers =\ Also, if all goes well I should be getting my Ps in April, at which point I will want a car, less likely to happen if I spend $300 going to Sydney. Oh dear. Oh well. It'll all sort itself out. If worst comes to worst, I get into the Folk Festival free, and if I have just $100 I can feed myself etc., I just won't be able to buy heaps of awesome stuff like I did last time. But I'll spend none of my pay in the new year until then, and will endeavour to save min. $250 for the Chili Peppers.

Ahh! Where have my whimsical thoughts gone! My brain is full of work and money, when it should be full of Summer and Christmas.

On a positive note, I found my Mary Had A Little Lamb lamp.

Hmm, Lani has inspired me to go on a yoga retreat some time next year. I indeed shall be doing it.

This year has gone so quickly, and next year will be even quicker, and then where are we? I've been thinking about this alot lately. I just can't see how, with things the way they are in relation to school, I can't see how I'll ever be successful ^^. But I still have faith it'll all work out. I'll start with 6 months of working, to save up some money, then travel. Who knows how that will change things. I'm thinking I should concentrate on the present for now.

Speaking of presents. Christmas is very soon and I have purchased no gifts and have no money ^^;;; Dilly of a pickle, eh?

I can't wait to move into the new house, start afresh with the whole organisation thing in theory. Same with my current room cleaning at my dad's. I'm hoping cleaning my room will make the feng shui better, and I'll feel less confused.

I'm all shades of too busy. It's not like it's hard stuff, work and time with friends etc., but I just want an entire day to myself... Still, I bring it on myself, picnic tomorrow =) I have to go find my pretty recipe book so I can cook something nice. Something easy ^^

Doesn't really work so well in Canberra because we have so many trees and parks... though I think Belconnen needs more trees.

I vote we go to Sydney and do it.

http://www.inhabitat.com/2006/01/19/how-to-turn-a-parking-space-into-a-park/

Yes yes yes, PARK(ing)! Go.

Who eats Coco Pops out of a green plastic 'Rosie' mug?

I do =)

School is actually over after Monday. Then we are year 12s. Are you frightened? You should be.

"There's a place your mother goes when everybody is soundly sleeping."

Parties Saturday and Sunday and boy coming over tonight, and no work after next week, it's all pretty sweet.



If only I had some money.

Goodbye cruel world.

My mum found out I missed a piece of assessment in one of my English classes. I will not be in the least bit surprised if I get kicked out tonight. I'm currently procrastinating going home by hanging at my dad's until she calls, which she will soon... I've actually already packed a bag of all the clothes I'll need for the rest of this week ^^; I totally cannot handle being yelled at tonight, I feel way delicate and I know it'll be fine and that her being angry won't help, so when she starts spazzing, I'm out of there...

Unfortunately I doubt my boy's mum (as sweet as she is) would appreciate me staying, so chances are I'll end up with Mr. Bad-Influence at Gowrie Court. Bad thing probably. Hopefully Clancy can come pick me up.. and let me stay at his house? Or maybe Cathrine seeing as I need to go to her place tomorrow anyway. All pretty much sucks 'cause my mum and I were getting along swimmingly this morning.

Another problem is I don't currently have a bedroom to hide in, the only way to get away will be to leave.

Wish me luck?





On a happier note; Rudd and Gillard! And formal, and the release of the Wii, and work on Friday gets me money. ^_^

So, I'm pretty sure I'm a sunflower.

Music-wise, this is the summer of folk, or more correctly, That Dress Looks Nice On You by Sufjan Stevens and Teeth In The Grass by Iron & Wine.

Also, also. Cherry dress. All must see. Yes yes. It shall be worn every day. I'm going to put my jammies on now, and wash it, and hang it from my open window tonight to dry, so I can wear it tomorrow without smelling.

It's a plan, you see.

Okay. It's maths time. I'm like 15% sad, 20% excited about the holidays, 10% stressed about school, 50% super happy, and 5% @^&*$&({µÕï^*~~ Yup yup.

15% sad because of my galah. On my way from the car in to school, I found a galah at the bus stop. It was lying on its chest in the dirt with its wings up, breathing slowly and coughing up dust. I wrapped it up in my cardigan and carried it to school, but a minute or two before I got to the front office, he stopped moving, and by the time I reached the phone to call the Wildlife people, he was dead. I thought he might just be in shock, so I headed towards the English department to see Lynette so she could help me get some water for him 'cause his mouth was full of dirt from the ground where he'd been lying. On the way I ran into Alison from year 12, sciencey girl, who looked at him and confirmed he was quite dead, then Nick, the principal, came into the foyer. He got me a printer-paper box to put the galah in and asked what I'd like to do with him. I suggested we bury him. I think he thought I was being a bit stupid, but we went to the Janitor's office, where the Janitor got a shovel, and we went into a little tree-filled corner of the quad to dig a grave. Nick, in his principal-y suit and tie, dug a little hole, and I put the galah in and we covered him up. I thanked them both very much, washed my hands, cried a little, and made myself some Green Tea with Jasmine. Very very sad. Also, in a moment of irrational frustration and anger and upsetness in my very emotional day, I threw my favourite teacup quite violently across the quad whereupon it promptly smashed into about a million pieces.

20% excited about the holidays beause they're practically here! And I get to do all sorts of fun things like move house, decorate and garden at said house, spend time with boy, spend time with girlies, drink Summer Puddin Tea, teach Lani to crochet, have picnics, eat mangoes, and get sunburnt. And also because whoa, year 11 is over.

10% stressed about school because I'm kinda failing. It's a badness. I should be more than 10% stressed, but the weather's been so lovely.

50% super happy just because I am. And because despite an emotional day, I wrote a letter to the boy which cleared my head, and he gave me hugs which made it all better. And we got the house I wanted, and school is over, and my teapot didn't explode.

So like, yeah? X-post this to Pumpkin and Myspaz because I'm an attention whore.

Don't worry, it's so cheap it's free.

Hmm... Only a few more weeks of school. It's all I can think about! It's thoroughly invading the time I should be spending doing my last remaining homeworky things.

Jesus, year 11 is actually almost over. I am quite frightened.

And I know I keep saying this, but wow. My life is *so* different now. Wow. Different for the better I think. For starters, it includes boy, who has lately been very very affectionate (something about a revelation regarding me while he was on a bus?), and it also includes gorgeous new friends, who have allowed me into their little ness despite the fact that I just kind of turned up ^^ They are beautiful and wonderful and love love love, yes?

So much love in fact, that Jenna has decided she needs to reward us just for 'being really nice' by bringing us cake on Monday! Wonderful much?

And I keep not writing.. which is bad.. but I've been to schooled out to chill enough to write. When I'm not busy, I'm dead tired, so I don't write... I will write. And I will write letters on paper from Chinatown adventures with Lani - 'He likes his tea weak'

Ben is.. le sigh. I don't quite know what to do. To be quite honest, I'm sick of feeling like I'm being lied to, and of him hurting people. If someone was probably going to need a liver transplant, surely they'd be on dialysis now, right? Le sigh sigh sigh. Also, innumerable people think Jenna and I had lesbian sex. Hmm.

Anyways. Will attempt to collate thoughts, but may just end up rambling about boy and beautiful girls whom I love, which would be boring for all you, and better told to just them. So maybe no collated thoughts for a while.

Now. I should write an oral. Unlikely to happen until tomorrow night. Bah bah bah.

Hair hair hair ^____^ Bought bleach and purple and blue dyes today! Tomorrow will be a wacky day of hair for all. I'm going purple, putting a blue chunk in Danny's hair, and Meechelle's going completely white ^_^ And I'm going to give Rowan a huge fauxhawk =P

Hee, little purple fauxhawk! My boss may or may not die.

In other news, I'm quite on the verge of failing school. I will probably have to ressurect this situation soon... Unfortunately I am sick and feel like my brain is full of kapok fluff mixed with porridge and tuna. Whinge whinge.

But! It is almost holidays, and soon I will have brightly coloured hair!

Even more than I wanted a munny, I want a polaroid camera! Nay, I *NEED* one!

Tomorrow I think I will buy one on eBay.

And then I will take pictures like these.

And they will be wonderful.

And maybe after I acheive that, I can concentrate on my still unstarted homework.

I'm really hoping inspiration kicks in some time tonight.

I'm violently inspired to do everything but English.

This error in prioritising may come back to bite me. But I'll be an illiterate bum with way cool art.

I have a new obsession. I want them! I want to paint a million of them!

http://www.summerofmunny.com/

Munnies. Little blank doll thingies which you decorate. Hint hint Christmas Birthdays General love gifts hint hint. There may be discounts for buying in bulk, so team up? I always have far more things to spend my money on than I have actual money. This is a new addition to the list.

In other news, perhaps I'm a little art crazy today? Made a tiny 3D paper prototype for my student directed project. It's a dress. With flowers and lightbulbs and teacups and a sun/moon thing and an electrical cable growing out of a flower pot. It also has a very big rainbow. It will roxxor your soxxors. I was going to paint it, but I'm thinking for the sake of accuracy, I should screen print it.

Of course, I don't get into my art when it's the only thing I have to do. It's when the art isn't as crucial as the 2 creatives and an oral which are not started and are due on Monday.

Oh dear.

Lovely Lani is back! I am wishing to see her. We were at her house at the same time on Wednesday, but she was sleeping/locked away in her room ^^;;; Low tables and fairly lights planning soon I am thinking.

"Got a body like a battle axe... Better buy you a Cadillac"

Nyah :bang-floop-smash-crash-fizzle: I'm going to crash and burn and die and become a trashy hairdresser.

Tried to do a tiny bit of the enormous amounts of homework which I have due very soon which I have not even begun to think about beginning to think about beginning really. Failed miserably. Cried. Realised crying won't help. Cried to Javo on MSN. Cried to whoever will read this. Continued to fail all the while.

I seriously am severely screwed. Everything is due within the next 4 weeks, well within really, and I've done none of it, and after today's attempt I feel incapable of doing any of it anyway.

Help?

I want holidays and mangoes with Jenna and parties at Javo's and sleepiness with boy.

My mum wants me to buy an investment property. I have to work overtime this week to respond to a tender from Defence. I want to be a lazy 17 year old =(

Everything is so so different.

My life now, and my life six months ago, or better yet, one year ago, have few to no similarities in all honesty. I don't know if it's good or bad; I do feel it was inevitable.

The world is still plodding along. I realised this when I saw an Australia Post truck today. There are still postman who deliver mail, despite all the drama of being 17. I appreciate postmen (and women) a little more now.

Maybe something coherent later, maybe not.

Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Your blood
Your bones
Your voice
And your ghost

We've both been very brave
Walk around with both legs
Fight the scary day
We both pull the tricks out of our sleeves

But I'll believe in anything
And you'll believe in anything
Said I'll believe in anything
And you'll believe in anything

If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd share a life and you'd share a life
If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd share a life and you'd share a life
If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd take you where nobody knows you
And nobody gives a damn
Said nobody knows you
And nobody gives a damn

And I could take another hit for you
And I could take away your trips from you
And I could take away the salt from your eyes
And take away the spitting salt in you
And I could give you my apologies
By handing over my neologies
And I could take away the shaking knees
And I could give you all the olive trees
Oh look at the trees and look at my face and look at a place far away from here

Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Give me your eyes
I need sunshine
Your blood
Your bones
Your voice
And your ghost

We've both been very brave
Walk around with both legs
Fight the scary day
We both pull the tricks out of our sleeves

But I'll believe in anything
And you'll believe in anything

If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd share a life and you'd share a life
If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd share a life and you'd share a life
If I could take the fire out from the water
I'd take you where nobody knows you
And nobody gives a damn
I said nobody knows you
And nobody gives a damn
I said nobody knows you
And nobody gives a damn either way
About your blood
Your bones
Your voice
And ghost
Because nobody knows you
And nobody gives a damn either way

And now I'll believe in anything

Guh, so goodness. Seems so.. apt, but I'm not sure as to what it's being apt about. Ben? Parts of it would be sad if it were apt about Ben...

Maybe it's just true of me. If you can give me a reason to believe you, I will, it doesn't have to be a good reason. It doesn't even have to remotely outweigh the reasons to believe the opposite. The really ridiculous thing is that I'm fully aware of my downfalls like that. I just ignore them.

Nobody knows you
And nobody gives a damn either way

"I said nobody knows you, and nobody gives a damn."

A night of wow.

Scratched up and dirty white boots. Feathers all over the house. Milk on the kitchen floor. Confessions and decisions and proclamations. A Love-Warrior costume. Peanut butter, maple-syrup'd teabags, cheese. Concrete. Vomit on my doorstep. Candle in a Sprite bottle. Techno Tetris. Cats.

A day of bad.

Physical memories of stupid things done. Apologies to make. Convulsions. Black outs. Grinding teeth. The deepest depression I've ever known. Horrible horrible horrible.

Again? Maybe. I just don't know.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I passed Road Ready!!! Now I just have to go to the shopfront with one of my parentals to pay/sign for my proof of residence, and I'm set to start driving =)

Be afraid, be very afraid. I know I am.

"Time does make fools of us all" - Mion.... Shakespeare?

David said that to me when he told me he'd been planning to ask Lex out on Valentine's Day but couldn't find the right moment. It seems oddly apt in most situations surrounding my life right now. Time is making a very big fool of me. In regard to pretty much everything...

I need to get in control. I'm regiming. Super healthy food and not too much of it, min. 2 hours homework a day, and no more drinking ever. If I do all that stuff, maybe then I can pretend I'm coping with the emotional stuff. Maybe.

I need to get my act together with my lithograph print in art... I have the afternoon off tomorrow, maybe I can spend it in there... I still don't even know what to draw, I hate black and white tonal stuff in CA... Though that reminds me, my negatives look like they came out well, maybe I have a knack for long exposure photography =P I'll whip up a proof sheet first period, and maybe I'll go to Lex's at some point in the holy-days and have a fat scanning sesh. Take my usb thinger and load it up with neg scans, fix them up at home and submit them to devart. That can take my mind of things perhaps... And then I can get them printed... *Le sigh*

::Na na na na na - Kaiser Chiefs:: ::luff::

Lynette, my English teacher, is the sweetest creature. I was sad today, she marched me down to the counsellors office, hugging me and saying 'you're wonderful, I love you. I want you to be happy, let me help you.'

Ben lied... a very very big elaborate lie... Lots of people are angry. I was, but now I'm not. I just feel betrayed, and worried. It's just so hard, trying to help him and be there for him and being literally sick with worry about him, and having him saying 'none of my friends care'.

*Le sigh*

It's muffin time, mu-mu-mu-mu-muffin time!

I'm baking. House is filled with chocolate mud cake -y smells. It's brilliant.
A cake for photogra-free tomorrow, and muffins for Samantha visitations.

"Oh Susanna! Oh don't you cry for me. I come from Alabama with a banjo on my knee." - Does anyone know any more words to that song?

I have nothing to say. I suppose I need to spend more time thinking, then I can write down what I think. I don't have time to think lately.. I've set aside next Wednesday for sleeping, but it might end up being postponed to Friday, or the following Tuesday... I have to plan days of rest well ahead. And here I am contemplating getting a second job. I'm too money-hungry! Still, anyone got any ideas for a nice easy well paying job I could do just one day a week? How's Sunday afternoon sound?

Ooh, maybe next... Friday, I can go to Floriade. That would be nice. Floriade is relaxing etc.

So apparently you can can get free university degrees in prison. Does it say on your diploma that you got it in prison? If not, that could be a way cool way to get a degree.. minus the horrible bits.. and even if it did say it, that'd be pretty hardcore too.

Why is it that suddenly mobile phone spammers have decided I'm Muslim? I keep getting all this 'last feast be4 Rammadan (sp?), wid Sheik Shady @ ******** Mosque' stuff. I don't know why =(

Dial-up is Satan. 21 minutes to download the new messenger... It would be less time consuming to go visit everyone I want to talk to! Riding a crawling 90 year old woman! 90 year old blind woman! With no arms and legs! Okay, so it could actually be worse, but barely...

Guh. At work, so bored, with half an hour left before I can leave. I'm so bored I'm almost tempted to actually do my work... What is this craziness?

I thought work could help take my mind off Ben, and it did for a while, but doesn't solitude make fools of us all... I don't care why he's doing it, I just want him to come home and everything can be dealt with later... Why does Perth have to be so far away?

I think it's ebuddy/dAmn time...

::Wasabi - that idol guy... Shh, it's stuck in my head.. I didn't pick it...::

"I will not go quietly, I will not behave myself" - I Will Not Go Quietly (is that the title?) by The Whitlams

I will not go quietly into being a size 14 damnit!

On Saturday, I bought a pair of size 14 jeans, and just now I tried on a pair of size 14 shorts which my boss gave me... And they fit, well =( I mean, all my 12 stuff, and some of my 10s still fit fine, but the 14s are comfier =(

It will not happen! You gotta fight! For your right! To still be a size 12!

Oh yeah.

Random burst of caring about something other than Ben's health for a moment... *worries*

Remember how I said I'd do a proper entry soon? I lied.. I'm way too busy! I should be studying my butt off right now... or I should have stayed an extra hour at work, then I could have not stayed so long tomorrow, which is ruining my Friday plans... Well, it would be, if I had any...

I think I really need to learn to deal with consequences... Can I do it later? Please?

So, Road Ready weekend after next, and assuming I pass, after that I'll be learning to drive. I advise you lock yourself, family, friends, and valued pets inside. Even I'm scared to have someone like me on the road...

I took my shoes off for large parts of today... Meaning, at recess and I didn't put them back on til I was near work, where I promptly took them off again. I love having tanned dusty feet, and while standing on soft grass is good, standing on smooth compacted dirt is more.. sensual? I feel like I should have bells on my ankles and like I should be dancing like a crazy bohemian gypsy when I stand barefoot in the dirt...

Now, homework! And by homework I mean a little more procrastination, *then* homework... By which I mean dishes, procrastination, and maybe eventually homework...

Guh. Nyuh. Bzuh.

So many things I want to discuss here. So few of them I can because of my potential audience =(

But really, things are good. I mostly think that because it's been sunny. I find it extremely difficult to be sad, or to comprehend the severity of bad situations, when the weather is nice.

I know I keep promising deep posts... maybe later tonight? Once the family goes to bed I'll drink tea and listen to good music and try to get in the zone...

::bounce::

::basks in Dresden Dolls/Piano-accordianist/The Red Paintings wowness::

It. Was. Brilliant. Words cannot describe. Wow. So fun.

Rest of Sydney was fun-ness too! Lani and I decided to have studio apartments in Chinatown... and we met a robot, and I bought stationary which says "He likes his tea weak" all over it. Much excitement.

And today I spent every cent I had left on lollies...

::swoosh::

I want more!

::sings::

"It starts with an A! AARDVARK! AARDVARK! It ends with a K! AARDVARK! AARDVARK!"

And omg, Lani, I got home, and there was pizza!!!

I promise an actual thoughtful non-retelling-of-events entry will come soon...

I've found something as entertaining as googlism! Putting "*name* needs" into Google!

My googlisms:
- Rosie is a sweetie
- Rosie is a silly fish
- Rosie is not a suitable candidate for release because she has an equilibrium problem that causes her to swim in right hand circles
- Rosie is more than just "man's best friend"
- Rosie is becoming discouraged because Albert has not yet informed his controlling mother about their marriage plans

My 'needs':
- Rosie needs to fuck
- Rosie needs psychiatric help
- Rosie needs to find herself
- Rosie needs a new home soon
- Rosie needs to find better things to do

Every single one of them is true! I swears it! Especially that Albert, I just don't know what I'll do with him.

Jordan. Is. Selling. ALL. His. Transformers. Holy crap.

And that will make no sense to anyone who doesn't know him, but it's like, whoa man.

People are full of sadness. It's upsetting because they're good people and they deserve to be happy. "We are young, we run green, keep our teeth nice and clean". They are young and they are beautiful and they're delicate and they have hearts which break easy. I want to fix everything and I want them to be in love with the world the way I am. It makes me sad...

On a lighter note, D-Day bus tickets are purch-ased! Go team! I'm so super excited =) I want to buy beads.. and if I have lots of money, a wig ^_^ (like, if my dad gives me $100 or more..)

Sydney weekend was, in most parts, a success! Went swimming. Discovered my mother's spiritual role model is Better Midler. Had much Sydney fun with Nikola and Twirly Friends. Made up with boyfriend whom I was semi-fighting-type-thing/sad with (this was sealed today when he read my journal and felt guilty, though this was not my expectation. I was waiting for angry or some such...). Had spa-hilarity with Samantha and Samantha's adorable Argentinian boyfriend and some random drunk guy who offered me a beer in exchange for a glance at my boobs. Had a dress bought for me. Succeeded in (belated) Lani-present buying. Ate a really big lollypop. Oh yeah.

Worried about a friend who has sadness where I wish he had happiness. Hopefully will see him tomorrow when I go to buy bus tickets for D-Day =)

Went shopping today! After plum forgetting to meet friends at 10, I met them at more like 12 I think... Got free shit (namely toy gun and 'Hazel' and 'Derek' name meaning magnets..) from Homebase, bought cute shirts/jumpers, resisted the urge to buy beads, gift wrapped another Lani birthday present (Light! Music! Eddy!), laughed at Lex, DDR'd, went to Lex's, walked a very long way home, badgered the boyfriend to come over (he resisted, damn him!), bathed, ate pie, blogged, sleep comes soon please?

Omgwtfbbq! I'm doing Road Ready! Yay! I will soon be able to learn to drive! This may not be a good thing. Oh, and Lex must burn me music, then my life will be complete. As soon as I get that $100 million I'm waiting on...

:bounce, yawn, sleep:

I've become addicted to Bulletin Surveys on Myspace. Not cool man, not cool...

Packing for Sydney =) Takin' my cute lil swimmers 'cause I'm staying at my auntie's house with her indoor pool and spa ^___^ It's been so cold this winter, I wonder if I've forgotten how to swim... And sc-ore! Maman says I can stay wherever I want on Saturday night! Be that Samantha's, Lucy's, or somewhere with Nikola! ^__^ Now let's just hope she gives me plenty of money... She was going to give me $100 next weekend, but I don't need quite that much, so maybe I should get $50 or something this weekend...

Guh. I'm back in love with the Postal Service ^___^ I'd forgotten just how super lovely they are.

Wrote lots last night... I've realised, I do know what I want, I just want it for the wrong reasons. Or more, things which should be minor reasons stand out much more than things which should be big deciding factors. Nonchalance can be fun, but sometimes it just seems detached, emotionless, and like you really just don't care. Makes me sad.

Hmm, if I go to Sam's, maybe we can go out to ---- aww noes! She's working =( Oh well.. I'll work something out... It's not like I have to go somewhere either, I could stay at Dawnie's with my mum and sister.

Much Postal Service Love,

Rosie. xox.

Read 'Flowers for Algernon'. Cried. Had intense discussions with and about the boyfriend. Cried. Read more of 'Angela's Ashes'. Cried. Freaked out about life in general. Cried.

Damn it.

Happy Birthday Lovely Lani!

^_^

Hope the day and year to come are excellent. "You've come a long long way and you deserve to be really happy now" - Kimya Dawson

[Edit: the picture used to say 'Happy 5th Birthday Roman', I decided to change it and repost.]

The unknown goes barefoot.

Organic gardening postpones selfless creativity.

Wonder casts a chaste shadow.

Intimacy might not “be” rational.

Making love can build mental prisons (prisms)?

Last week I had the strangest dream
Where everything was exactly how it seemed
Where there was never any mystery on who shot John F Kennedy
It was just a man with something to prove
Slightly bored and severely confused
He steadied his rifle with his target in the center
And became famous on that day in November

Dont wake me I plan on sleeping
Dont wake me I plan on sleeping in

And then last night I had that strange dream
Where everything was exactly how it seemed
Where concerns about the world getting warmer
The people thought they were just being rewarded
For treating others as they like to be treated
For obeying stop signs and curing diseases
For mailing letters with the address of the sender
Now we can swim any day in November

Dont wake me I plan on sleeping
(now we can swim any day in November)
Dont wake me I plan on sleeping in

You know what sucks? Awkwardness and teenageness and stupid emotions and my lack of many lives and magic. Not the sort of thing which I can discuss oh-so-publicly as here, but which certainly needs to be deeply considered. Man, I'm really dumb...

Zentences. It's so damn cool. I could do it for hours... You know what else I could do for hours? Laugh at Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel jokes.

So, it was nice and sunny and springish, and then it got rainy and stormy and cold. But that's lovely too in its own way.

Today, my bus was full of military men. The ones who joined me saluted the colleagues they left behind in the culturally-sensitive concrete haven which had sheltered them from the rain, but never the cold. After noting this, I realised how much the bus smelt like sweaty-fat-man =
Are we too arrogant? Thinking as deeply as we do. Dissecting the inner workings of our minds and society. Or is this a privilege we've earned and we deserve purely because we have the ability to use it? Am I pseudo-deep-teen ranting? The answer to that, I know.

I know where most of the Departments I work with are now. Today I found AusAID and Attorney-General, which I think makes one location for each department. It's interesting. I never noticed them before, now I'm like "oh, Department of ********, I still have to invoice the Russian books for them.". Work is starting to infect my mind. Though I really don't feel like going tomorrow. Especially not if this weather keeps up. I think I might go to bed early tonight. I'm frazzled already and I have much business ahead of me still. I don't know if I have the energy or the money to go camping, and cold weather wouldn't help, don't want to be sick when I go to the Dolls... It might be nice just to spend at least one day lying in bed doing nothing... If I don't go camping I have two possible nothingness days... on at least one of which I intend to go out for coffee ^^

"Whenever I put the headset on now," he'd continued, "I really do understand what I find there. When those kids sing about 'She loves you,' yeah well, you know, she does, she's any number of people, all over the world, back through time, different colors, sizes, ages, shapes, distances from death, but she loves. And the 'you' is everybody. And herself. Oedipa, the human voice, you know, it's a flipping miracle." His eyes brimming, reflecting the color of beer.

"Baby," she said, helpless, knowing of nothing she could do for this, and afraid for him.

He put a little clear plastic bottle on the table between them. She stared at the pills in it, and then understood. "That's LSD?" she said.

- The Crying of Lot 49, Thomas Pynchon

Listened to The Postal Service today. Lovely. Especially turned up nice and loud while watching the rain out a bus window and writing about military men and sweaty-fat-man smell.

How excitement =) Despite a couple o' stressy issues poking at me when I let my guard down, things are pretty damn happiness. Coffee in 2 and a half hours with Ben, and with Nikola three hours after that. And it's okay that the badge I bought Ben is one he already had, because his broke! See, I'm psychic, nyah? And then work tomorrow, which is fine, and Tehliah's film screening after that, and then maybe something with mon garcon-ami, which should be lovely. Sleep in! And then off to Sydney with ma mere est ma souer at about 3. Must remember to take swimmers as it's warm there and even if it were cold the pool at my auntie's is indoors and heated =) Hopefully will see Lucy, and Samantha too. Lovely lovely people. =) Then after work on Monday... Camping! Yay for camping =) Hope it all works out with the camping.. Work again Thursday, maybe coffee with Tehliah, Kent, Michael, and Phillip on Friday, and then... Dresden Dolls! Oh the yay =)

So, anyone read Angela's Ashes? I'm like, not even half-way through it, but it makes me cry so much! I always feel kind of stupid crying over books, but this is like, severely tragic... Maybe I should take How To Have A Beautiful Mind by Edward de Bono on the bus with me instead... crying in front of a bus-load of strangers might earn me a few weird looks...

Now, it's icon making time! :goes off to make bondage icons:

It always upsets me when someone I care about is sad, and I try as hard as I can to make them happy, but they just can't seem to absorb it... I wish there was just some magic thing I could do, to let them see things my way. I suppose all I can do is keep trying and maybe I can cheer them up by degrees, slowly.

:listens to The Servant by Cells:

I'm going to start caring about stuff, and actually knowing about stuff, and doing stuff about stuff I don't like. Later?

I'm sad about nuclear energy. In year 8 we learnt all about Green Energy in Science and I can't believe how stupid some people are! Like the lady who lives at Lake George who violently opposed the installation of a wind farm on one of the hills surrounding the lake because it will 'ruin the vista'. But acid rain and radiation poisoning are way cool? And why don't we use tidal energy? Australia has some of the most powerful tides anywhere in the world and tidal energy harvesting turbines can be installed below the high tide water level so they're insivible at high tide, and these places are too dangerous to swim anyway. Australia is perfect for solar, wind, and tidal energy, and we want to use nuclear energy? Guh.

Greens still haven't got back to me about volunteering =( Might send them another email...

:listens to Grey Ghost by Mike Doughty:

"I'm beyond your peripheral vision" - Ani DiFranco, 32 Flavours

Yay for lovely friends.

So, I spent the afternoon today with Alexis and Melissa. We talked about stuff and played DDR and did some 'light shopping' and I managed not to spend too much money and I bought a badge for me and a little badgey present for a friend (I hope it cheers him up, though I'm now thinking he may have it already...).

Tomorrow shall be a day of lovely friendy Essen-ness. If I were meeting someone at 11 too it'd be crazy ('cause I'm meeting Ben at 1 and then Nikola at 4)... But yes, I plan to sit in the loveliness of Essen (I have to work out what to wear 'cause it's set to be cold and maybe rainy tomorrow) with my Summer Puddin' tea and talk and be friendy and people-watch. I am sure it will be quite lovely.

Today we sat on the grass in the sun and wished we had a guitar and decided to do some political stencil art. In fact, I think I might go make some stencils (in Photoshop..) and when I get around to it, I shall spray them on the ground in Civic... Please don't arrest me!

:listens to Self Evident by Ani DiFranco:

I'm in a list mood lately. As well as my 'list of things I know' and 'list of people who are lovely', I now have a 'Happiness is...' list which is quickly growing =) I think I need to add 'interesting text message conversations of trust, kinks, and teenage pseudo-depth', because they are happiness too.

:listens to 99 Luftballoons by Nena:

It's iPod refill day. This week we have:

• Ani DiFranco
• the Arcade Fire
• the Dresden Dolls
• Iron and Wine
  
• Kimya Dawson
• Mike Doughty
• Portishead
• the Postal Service
• Van Morrison
• Wilco
• the Yeah Yeah Yeahs

I'll get my little fill of all this, and redo it in a week or two. I think next time demands Tegan and Sara and the Go! Team.

It is a lovely spring day (though it's set to rain tomorrow) and I'm full of friend-love. Today is DDR, tomorrow is coffee with Ben, and then with Nikola. Sydney with family this weekend, camping the next week, and Dresden Dolls adventure the following weekend. The weather couldn't be more ideal for things like this. I feel compelled to drown in music and spill my thoughts onto waiting paper and draw peace signs in chalk, and tell people I love them. Now I just need to get a new adaptor for my fat headphones... could be a problem. But my little orange sony stolen-from-John-Howard ones will do for now.

Much blue-nail-polished love,

Rosie. xox.

"Feeling overwhelmed like a wombat at a Tool concert trying to comprehend intense prog rock" - the Bedroom Philosopher

That was completely neccessary.

So now it's midnight, and I'm nursing a cherry liquer chocolate, and drinking tea from my dinosaur cup, and reading Chris's blog, and appreciating the fact that there are many lovely people in the world. I think I need to make a list of all the good people I meet, because it would be sad if I were to forget them. They're lovely, and it would be very very sad if they were forgotten. It makes me sad sometimes that I don't have enough time to thoroughly get to know a whole bunch of really awesome people. I wish I had like 50 lives. There are certain paths I can't follow if I wish to preserve other things, all sorts of relationships ya know? So if I had 50 lives I could do all those things, and get to know all those people and dedicate my time to them, and I could go back to this life if I wanted.

:listens to We're Dancing by Mandy Moore:

Mandy Moore pre-2000 is uber cuteness.

In the kitchen a little while ago, I wondered whether I should call Danny. But I realised I'm quite content with one (clarifying) outlet for my thoughts... I think calling him would be confusing, and maybe I'd lose my.. groove? Plus, he's probably asleep...

Savouring food is good. People often seem to think I'm a bit odd because of the way I pull my food apart.. but it's my way of savouring the goodness. I like all the elements apart, and must save the best till last. Otherwise it just becomes a big flavour-mess.

:nibbles chocolate:

Did I tell y'all I get to see my friends tomorrow? I'm so pleased. :licks liquer off cherry centre of her chocolate friend:Like my friend-friends, my high school friends, and my bestest friend. Friend-friends like like-like, nyah? It'll be nice.. sorta old-timesy hopefully =)

Hey, for christmas, I think a really good idea for something for someone to get me, would be an extremely large amount of fresh cherries. Super red ones. Plzkthx?

:listens to Oldflame by the Arcade Fire:

Cherry love,

Rosie. xox.

What kind of primary school boy pierces his own.. thinger, in front of a crowd of 7 year olds? And I wonder, he'd be at least in year 11 by now, do you reckon it caused permanent damage?

I've decided to make a list of things I know. Proving the existence of the universe and matter itself aside, it has to be like.. facts. Things I believe wholeheartedly.

So far I have:

• Smoking when pregnant harms your baby
• If you dump stuff *outside* the charity bins, it doesn't go to charity
• I think milk infused chai tastes super delicious
• I think oysters don't taste so delicious
• I have faith in people to look after each other
  

I plan to write my list so far in a notebook and keep adding to it. I like things which clarify my thoughts. They may not seem clarified to you, but they're vastly moreso than when they first appear. Now I just need to work on making them cohesive in essays... hmm.

So so super excited about Dresden Dolls ^__^ And there now may be a Chris and a Luci which would be super cool. In a rather drunken state last night Chris seemed very impress with my blog-ful ramblings... Curiouser and curiouser. (In fact, all of last night was lovely, big smooshy thank yous to all ^_^ esp. Lani and Win for cheering mind-clarifying conversations)

So, apparently Play School have been swept up in political correctness, thus missing the niceness of old nursery rhymes. They changed 'Baa Baa Black Sheep' to 'Baa Baa Wool-y Sheep'... May I be the first to say whoop-de-frickin-do? There are far more crazinesses to do with obscene political correctness than a nursery rhyme... Still, black sheep wasn't a racist thing was it? Or did I miss something crucial?

Steve Irwin died. I think that's quite sad. I didn't pay much attention to him, but he just seemed like a really honest person. And he had 3 little kids... Almost makes me cry. I remember how wretchedly upset I was the first night without my dad when my parents split up. I was 5. I can't even begin to imagine what knowing you're never going to see your father again would be like. I remember when I realised that my kitten being run over meant he was really gone forever, it was so heartbreakingly horrible.

I've decided that the most powerful expression of friendship is random drop-everything visits when someone's sad. It just makes you feel so so so loved. Phone conversations are good, but I think when your friend calls you, and is super sad, the bestest thing you can ever do is be like "I'll be there as soon as possible!". Most other things can wait, it's the sort of thing that really cements love.

I realised today, I've been so worried about being stuck between my friends. Like, wanting to get to know new people better, but not being really close to them yet, but in order to do that, it felt like I couldn't help but drift away from my old friends. But I think there's something in so many years of friendship that I didn't count on. You can 'drift apart', and you can get to know new people, and spend less time together, but when you are together, there's still a reason you were friends. Even when you have nothing in common any more, you have experiences, and it's almost as if you get on a sort of wavelength, where you can still connect.

Maybe that makes no sense, but thinking it makes me happy.

Much contemplatively cheerful love,

A girl who knows some stuff for sure.

"I don't need to walk around in circles/Walk around with Yurkle/Walk around in---" - Soul Coughing, Circles

Happy father's day to all your fathers =) I got my papa a huge box of chocolates and we've been bonding over music. Of course, being the perfect daughter I am, I'm going out tonight...

I think I need to relax. Let go of the drama... I'm as dramatic as Miss D. lately... Sydney, camping, and more Sydney are going to be super fun and shall not be marred by drama! Everything happens for a reason, if people are pulled in different directions, it doesn't mean any of them did anything wrong, it just means they grew apart, they can still be friends. It just won't be the same as it used to. And, the less drama, the less chance of an actual falling out.

Lovely spring day again today... I washed lots of clothes =) and even though it rained, the sun came out again, and everything is almost dry. I'm going to start crocheting a pink fluffy scarf. Baby pink with white and pink flowers eventually. Ooh, or maybe I'll make it pink and white stripes.. and then give it to Windt in my art class! Baby pink and white are just like.. her. She's cute and azn, and always wears white with her little pink iPod headphones. She's shiny and smooth and clean. Pink and white fluffiness will suit her. And stripes are super.

I have another thing to pour my money into, more brightly coloured clothes! I need to replace my chucks too... maybe I'll get blue ones or something. My rip off ones are well and truly dead. I must carefully choose which sox to wear with them, because it's a suicide mission for Mr. Sock. I did get new ones, but they're too small... I *will* replace them eventually, and maybe I'll sell the other ones on eBay! I think that sounds like a plan. I also want more accessories... Mou-Lou is making me a lovely bag, which shall be tres awesome. =)

It makes me sad to think that life only gets more complicated from here. This is complicated enough, thank you! Still, it's nice to think of all the adventures which are sure to follow. We've almost finished year 11, some of my friends are finishing year 12 soon. It's scary, life will be different, but hopefully it'll mostly be different in good ways. There are going to be people who I'll never see again... 'stay in touch!' but no one ever bothers kind of thing. The boys want to go to Melbourne Uni... if work is looking like staying stable and maybe getting better, I'll have to stay here... I really couldn't leave for any sort of prolonged period of time. Maybe at the end of next year I'll go to Melbourne with them, and check it out, and if there are opportunities there which outweigh what I'll have here, maybe I'll stay. I would like to live elsewhere at some point, Sydney or Melbourne would be good. Anyway, I shouldn't get all caught up making my plans around a job which may or may not lead to anything more. I'll get my apprenticeship, and see how the business is looking then.

Miam, passionfruit cream.

Chocolate, the perfect distraction from procrastinatory life contemplation... and maths.

Much chocolate-y music-y love,

Rosie, Queen of Corona.

"Kids don't sell their hopes so fast..."

But the prospect of getting out of maths study would tempt them, I think.

3+ hours of maths = slow and painful death.

And I'm sure I'll remember none of it during the exam.

Who would have thought that the green speaker jack goes in the yellow hole, and *not* the matching green one? Surely I cannot be mocked for getting that one wrong... Though maybe I can be just a little mocked for severely freaxing out, and not thinking of that despite the fact that it happens all the time.

It was the most gorgeous day today. I'm always surprised at how quickly Spring sets in. Last week it was *freezing* then, as soon as it was officially Spring; happy families, sunny weather, flowers in bloom, etc. So so lovely.

Thinking of Summer now,

Me.

"Musical ubiquity..."

Can you imagine living in a place where, in Summer, the sun just doesn't set? It could be quite advantageous (sp?) if you were Napoleon. Apparently he only ever slept for one or two hours at a time...

Sister is satanic. She *must* play Sims. Her computer cannot entertain her. So I have to use it. I hate it =( It has none of my files, and the mouse doesn't scroll... Makes me sad. But hey, I'm not a starving baby in Africa, so things are sweet, nyah?

"That's my acidophilus and bifidophilus, and you keep-it-off-ilus please."

Nothing beats Boysenberry yoghurt on a lovely spring afternoon =) especially when said yoghurt is eaten with my supremely shiny spoon. It's a super-great spoon.

Dresden Dolls shall be awesomeness much. And it's soon. Yay. And I'm going to Sydney next weekend too. And camping in assessment week. 3 x Yay =)

La La Love You,

Moi.

Warning: Sharpening 70+ pencils is dangerous. It gives you ouchy blisters, and pencil-shaving covered hands. Not cool at all.

I just don't know what to do for the best.

I cannot make decisions, this we know. Seems like coming up with the options is even harder.

I'm completely disconnected from my friends. I know it's my fault; we've all been busy and I've been spending time with other people and not trying hard enough to make time for them, but it makes me sad that it doesn't seem to bother them at all.

I just want everything to be fixed. I want there to be enough time for me to nurture my friends (and prove to them that I want to, and that I love them and need them and severely miss them) and spend time with the boyfriend, and spend time with new people... and I know it's just not going to happen and I have to face the consequences of my actions. But I'm feeling teary and sorry for myself, k?

Watching Bridget Jones's Diary does not help. Makes me want to talk like her. Very bad.

Much stressed out and upset love,

Rosie.

*is super excited*

I should be stressed about school and stuff. I really should. But I've passed from stress into numbness, and from numbness into blissful ignorance! Stealing paper clips in primary colours is a great way to lighten one's mood.

Also, yay!!! Justaan got us Chili Peppers tickets! And even yay-er, Dresden Dolls with Lani is like 99% def.!!! I'm so pleased ^_______^

Pleased and exhausted... I did 5 hours at work today when I wasn't even meant to be working ^^

http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/ladies/6f59/ Buy it for me, pretty please.

:listens to 'Scarecrow and Fungus' by Regina Spektor:

I've become one of those people who steals stationary from work! But I tells you, I does, the brightly coloured paperclips *wanted* me to take them...

Now I am saddened.. Chili Peppers tix sold out in like 5 minutes and Justaan couldn't get onto the site. He'll try again tomorrow. There may still be hope.

I've decided a camera will be vital for the Dolls... surely one cannot partake in a Lani adventure without a camera, nyah?

Love love love love love!!!!!

So, Hello Kitty guitar is on hold.. and by that I mean purchase of it is postponed, not I've got it waiting for my layby style...
But I assure you, there is a very good reason!

I'm going to the Dresden Dolls! And the Chili Peppers! Omg yay! ^_______^

Digital camera is also on hold I suppose, but I would like to purchase it before the shows so I can take pic-tures...

*dies*

Dolls is with the lovely Lani (and I'm oh-so-flattered she invited me because she's damn cool ^_^) and Peppers is with my internets friend, Justaan (who very kindly purchased my ticket and I'm paying him back next April when we actually go...)!

I also just emailed the Greens volunteer register, so maybe you'll see my nagging Suits in Civic about saving the rainforest sometime =)

Oh, and I officially failed both my English In-Class Essays. Especially European Classics. I walked out of that class and burst into tears. I had to go outside for some air and a glass of water halfway through because I thought I was going to by sick.. that's how bad it was. But now, I'm past stressing and crying. I've progressed to numbness. Because everyone knows, numb is the new deep.

Much love,

Rosie

News this week:

1. I'm totally failing every single subject. Fuck fuck fuck.
2. I embarrassed myself entirely on Sunday. Note to self: too much goon is no excuse for taking one's shirt off in front of a hundred off people...
3. I'm involved in an epic battle of good versus evil, a.k.a, Courtenay v. Javo!
4. I had Chinese for dinner. It was delicious.
5. I started my SNAP, yay.
6. School ends tomorrow, holidays soon, and the boyfriend's mum is away for 7 weeks. Triple yay =)
7. *whispers* if I have a baby I'm fucked, nyah?

Oh deary me. I think Javo just emoticon-shot me...

:loves and hates:

Guh, making mix tapes is so hard! You have to get the right genres together.. and the best examples of each artist.. and then you have to make sure the mood of the whole thing flows.. and then you have to make it all fit on the one CD!!!

It's Dunja's birthday on Monday, and I said I'd burn the Spice Girls for her, but I decided I need to give her something a little more 'me' as well. So I've been slaving away for the past hour trying to cut down my 'Bouncy Fun' album, next I have the 'Honest Vulnerability' album to do.. even harder!

As well as it being difficult I keep getting distracted ----- whoa, crazy deja vu ----- by the awesomeness of the music!

:listens to Do What You Want by Ok! Go:

Also, Ben is evil. He is going down. I will have my sweet (wet) revenge.

"I've never felt this way before" - Ok! Go, 'C-C-C-Cinnamon Lips'

I'm still in a weird euphoric cheerfulness. Does this mean I was sad before? I didn't feel as happy as I have lately, but I didn't feel particularly sad. Maybe it's like a man who's born blind doesn't miss sight. Or maybe I'm being emo and psuedo-deep and I'm just in a particularly perpetual good mood.

Speaking of perpetuality, I miss Athletics Carnivals. (Gosh, I miss lots of things, don't I?) They were so fun. 'Perpetual lunchtime' we called it. Lying the warm sun, talking, playing cards, eating sausages and lollypops, and drinking coke. The sky is brightest blue, the grass most vibrant green, and the air smells like blossoms.

I borrowed a book today. I shouldn't have, I should be reading 'Candide' and 'Tess of the D'Urbervilles', but I'm lending it to my dad before I read it, so I'm forgiven, right? Anyway, it's 'How to Have a Beautiful Mind' by Edward de Bono. As well as being interested in his ideas, he presents them in such an accessible way, it's just lovely to read. He really does have a beautiful mind.

Link for the day: http://www.edwdebono.com/debono/gamesi.htm
Edward de Bono games! Enjoy! Expand your mind!

Man parents suck.

Especially about clothes.

"If you turned up to my office like that I'd sent you home. Is that what you want? Are you trying to get fired?"

No, father, it's just a goddamn skirt. Get over it. My school has no dress restrictions, and I can sit down. So go away.

:listens to Velvet Rabbit by Kimya Dawson:

I want this woman to have my babies. In part because she looks so intensely fertile when pregnant. She named her baby 'Panda'. How roxing is that? I say quite.

People said so many funny things in the past couple of days...

"Did you just say 'a meat blend blend of citrus'?" - Melissa

"(When seeing Rowan with his beard shaved off) I was like 'there's something different about Rowan, did he shower?'" - Melissa

"I think if Voltaire was alive today, he'd be emo!" - James

"I think the closest thing I have to a local Jedi Master is that guy from Play School.." - Jordan

Brendan: Evan's feces is malignant
Lex: That means it attacks!

Telopea PE Teacher: You shouldn't be wearing (big dangly glitzy crosses) like that (in PE)!
Student: But Miss! It's religious-bling!

Funny funny...

"Rock and Roll is fun but if you ever hear someone say 'You are huge', look at the moon, look at the stars, look at the sun. I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye." - Kimya Dawson, I Like Giants

http://www.trevorvanmeter.com/flyguy/flyGuy.swf

"We won't stop until somebody calls the cops, and even then we'll start and just pretend that nothing ever happened." - Kimya Dawson, 'Loose Lips'

Now replace 'calls the cops' with 'a teacher comes'. High school anyone? Sitting in the DT corridor, making a noise and mess, teacher comes and tells us to go elsewhere so we start packing up, teacher leaves, we sit back down. =)

If you hadn't noticed, I'm a little Kimya Dawson addicted. She's lovely. Honest and brutal and touching.

:listens to The Beer by Kimya Dawson:

Link for today: www.kimyadawson.com

"C-C-C-Cinnamon Lips and candy-kisses on my tongue -- fun!"

I'm still euphoric, and I think it's endangering my health! I walked into so many people today, and forgot my change at the cantoon, and tipped stopbath down the drain instead of back into the bottle when I was processing film...

'At this point I become overly amused and in danger of injuring myself.'

So, I've decided to turn my sister (13, short and skinny runt, likes crap music and wears a fat-cover belt from Supre) into a miniature punk-rocker! Next week I'm taking her to see I Killed the Prom Queen. Brad reckons she's likely to die =
One problem with seeing IKtPM is it's on a Sunday night, and I have a maths exam at 9.00 am the next morning! Which sux, but it'll be worth it to see my sister so frightened...

I wanted to see Holden this afternoon, I was missing him, but he wasn't answering his phone, so instead, I had a nice chat with Hugo and Dom, and then went to Jordan's for a bit. He was at home sick today. I drank rasberry and lemon tea, and we talked about all sorts of things. Like Hello Kitty guitars, newly finished novels, Macbeth, and the Minotaur but with computers. It was nice to catch up, just the two of us kind of thing. Just in that whenever there's a crowd of us I don't really get to speak to him much. So that was nice, though I do wish I could have seen Holden.

"I like giants. Especially girl-giants." - Kimya Dawson, 'I like giants'

:listens to 'El Morro' by Calexico:

:yawn:

After being so euphorically happy since the wee hours of Friday/Saturday, going to school in an hour and a half seems so very wrong!

Especially after having slept so deliciously well last night.

I've directed Alexis to the musical cuteness of Smoosh and I hope she likes them. I forgot to suggest 'Not Your Day To Shine', I hope she gets it anyway...

Blegh. School is dirty and horrid... Thankfull, in less than two weeks, no more classes! For two weeks, then two weeks of classes, and another two weeks off! And then only six weeks of classes (& test week) before... I. Have. Finished. Year. Eleven.

That is very wrong and scary. I only have 10 weeks of year eleven classes left. Help me. I'm failing too... And if next year goes even half as quickly as this one has, I'm almost finished my compulsory education... Fuck. Perhaps I should start thinking about what I *actually* want to do...

Nah...

:listens to 'Go Go Mummy' by Zombie Ghost Train:

Zombie Ghost Train kicked it good =) As did the Dislexics.

ZGT I feel are best described as Elvis-gone-punk-rock. 'Twas pretty cool.

And we met this super cool guy, Ryan, with whom we ate weird cheap asian jelly and $1 Pocky and way-too-hot nachos.

http://www.zombieghosttrain.com

Check 'em.

In other news, the weather is unseasonably chilly, and I feel an intense desire to wear brightly coloured fishnet stockings.

My bed is cozy and rustic. With a blue tartan blanket, enveloping the lumpy mass of doonas, showing every year it's been loved in the form of little blue fluff balls, which stick to my cat.

It is warm and comforting and blocks out the outside world. Nothing but my own thoughts can reach me.

Oh, and the piercing sound of my alarm.

This morning, instead of an alarm, the tranquil silence of a Sunday sleep in was broken, like a stray steam train running through a wedding, by the voice of my sister, home from a sleepover.

:shiver:

I've said it before, but I'll say it again, she must be stopped.

If I wanted to, tomorrow I could go and buy a (completely crap) Squire guitar with Hello Kitty on it.


It's oh-so-tempting. But instead, I will put away $50 to pay Josh for the external hard drive which, following my new computer set up, I don't need at all. Perhaps I should explain this to him and try to get out of buying it =\ I really could use the money better. Like for my Kitty gui-tarrr, or a digital camera (which I *need* more and more every day). He won't be happy =
But.. kitty.. guitar.. *puppy dog eyes*? And she comes in black too, and is only $150!!!

I think I've found my calling, and it comes in the form of buying that guitar and just looking cute with it.

:listens to 'Our Love' by Donavon Frankenreiter:

And I forgot I was going to give links with every entry, so here's one for today. Inkeeping with my tshirt theme. http://www.demockratees.com/bushthumbs.htm Buy it for me!

Everyone always encourages 'being yourself'. Am I?

I like who I am, most of the time, though I find myself feeling quite indefinable most of the time. But sometimes I wonder, am I being myself? I don't always do exactly what I want. I'm led by other people. But is that being untrue to myself, or just being conscious that my actions have consequences?

I'm 'shy' in theory. But I'm really quite outgoing. I've changed so much over the past few years. Do I really know where 'I' begin and where people's interpretations of 'me' end?

Am I trying to be deep over something cliched and not that deep? That's a question I *can* answer.

Still listening to 'Our Love' on repeat. It makes me so so happy. I should sleep, but I'm just too euphorically happy.

I spoke to my (drunk) boyfriend (and his drunk friends) and drank tea from a cute white plastic mug with dine-ee-saurs on it and stood in the dirt in my sox looking up at the stars and drowned in the serenading of Donavon Frankenreiter. And I'm happy again.

I described 'Our Love' (by Donavon) to a friend as "a night on the beach with a bonfire and watching shooting stars and playing stupid games in the dark running around until you fall over and then running into the water and screaming because it's so cold, and then taking off clothes and trying to throw them to shore and then they float away and are lost forever but you're too hysterical to care..." and then you wrap yourself up in towels and sit by the fire until it gets too cold and then it's time for slipping into sleeping bags with lovers or friends and feeling newly warmed skin against yours.

Emotional rollercoaster. It's what being 17 and not entirely sane is all about. And I'd like to think I do it with class.

:listens to 'Differently the Same' - Donavon Frankenreiter:

On a vastly lighter note, I've discovered the wonderfulness of Josh Pyke, and I found my old favourite song, turns out it's by a guy called Donovan Frankenreiter.

The moon comes up and the moon goes down
Another sleepless night, another sleepless town
But I got you, I got you
Whenever I think about what I lost
I change my mind instead to what I still got
Cause I got you, I said I got you

You can call me papa
And I'll call you baby
Don't forget your mama's my, baby too
Wherever you go, whatever you do
I will be there, I'll be there for you

Soon enough you know, I'll be around
But that ain't soon enough cause that ain't right now
And I need you, I said I got you
When you close your eyes and you drift to sleep
From time to time I hope you run into me
I'm thinking of you, I hope you see me too

You can call me papa
And I'll call you baby
Don't forget your mama's my-- baby, too
Wherever you go, whatever you do
I will be there, I'll be there for you
You know I will now

You can call me papa
And I'll call you baby
Don't forget your mama's my-- baby, too
Wherever you go, whatever you do
I will be there, I'll be there for you
You know i'll be there, I said I'll be there.

I've realised what I miss most... It's just my life in general. My life now only vaguely resembles what it should. I miss:

• 4 or 5 of us in one double bed
• Sacrificing vegetable witches
• Drawing on jeans with textas,
• Watching Buffy
  
• Sitting on Melissa's kitchen floor
• The Silent Game
• 6 hour phone conversations
• Symbiosis
• Being part of one another's families
• Dressing up
• Hot Doolar
• Stupidbarn pic-a-nics
• Swimming in the fountain
• Going to the lake
• Planning our lives with each other deeply involved

I said I miss Ana, but I miss the people I see everyday, Melissa, Ally, and especially Alexis. She's my bestest best friend and I don't love her enough.



Ani DiFranco really is lovely...

:listens to Pale Purple - Ani DiFranco:

"It's not suppose to hurt this way/I need you I need you/More each day" - Avril Lavigne, 'Why'

I miss Ana... This is wrong, but she won't be persuaded, I'm sure of it.

And maybe I deserve it. Did I neglect her? She says she doesn't trust me. That everything I do is 'a desperate plea for attention', that I've said or implied things about people which are untrue. She says everything with me is drama, and she doesn't need that.

I know I should drop it and just leave her alone. But I really do miss her. Maybe I'm just overemotional, she hasn't exactly been the nicest to me for the past few months (and who'd blame her) and still I'm crying just from typing 'I miss Ana'.

Crying into my tea, and I don't want to cause drama. I want my friend back, so I can try and look after her, even if she doesn't want it...

(Their) Tentacle Romance rocked it today =)

So, I went to 'band practise' and it was really quite cool. Turns out the boys can actually play for the most part! I played some guitar, and bass, and sang a little, which was fun. If I had the confidence (let alone the talent beyond my extremely limited range..) to get up on stage, I'd be a little more willing to sing with them. As it is, if they do want me, which I doubt, it'll take a little persuading.

I feel kind of bad. I ditched Kent's play (to which I was going alone, lame boyfriend not taking me to parties) to eat BBQ chicken with my dad... But I was too tired and cold and running late... So I'm sure he'll forgive me. Would have liked to see it though.

When I thought I might be pregnant, I decided that non-existent-and-would-never-have-been-born-anyway baby's name was Hazel. Once Hazel really exists, my next daughter shall be called Gloria. And one of them will have Delilah for a middle name. My boys will be James and William, I've never doubted that. It's the daughter's whom I'm sure I'll have and am dying to meet that I have trouble naming...

"It's got to be perfect"

I'm sure it will be one day, but what's the point in living after that? I have on occassion, moments of intense love for the world, but it's not really perfect, just very very very good.

So, my sister has decided to ruin Bebo for me by commenting on all my photos. Today I have received over 20 emails "You have a new comment from Katey!"... :shiver: She must be stopped. Her comments are completely inconsequential observations on things I already know, or don't care about. Par example, on a photo of our old dog, Doug, she wrote something along the lines of 'oMg itz DoUg!!!!11!!!1!' and a little piece of me died.

Most pathetic thing ever:
For a moment just then, I questioned the validity and potential of my relationship with my boyfriend because I can't picture him 30-something, mowing the back lawn or painting the fence, while I sit in a rocking chair on the shady porch, breast-feeding Gloria, watching James and Will play soccer, trying not to hit Hazel while she plays with her dolls on the stairs.

I give such things far too much thought. I wish you could see into my mind for a moment. I know the entire layout of my house and the decour(sp?) of every room... I even know what's in most of the drawers.

"And on the bus today, I met the Queen of L.A., at least she said she was, and who am I to say? She was sixty-five and full of life. She had purple painted cheeks and glitter on her eyes." - Concrete Blonde, 'Still Living in Hollywood'

I had a reason to open Myspace, and now there's no way in the world I can possibly recall why I did...

I wish I had time to drown in my music a little more. I have nothing to do until tomorrow night, so I can sleep in, perhaps tonight I'll take the time to appreciate my music. What I often do, is download heaps and heaps of music, and then just play it, in the background. So I don't pay attention, and I don't know the names of any songs, and I'm not sure of the artists for many...

I'll probably blog again in the wee hours of the morning, about how unloved I am tonight, and how much my music is my one true love. Though we know my one true love is actually the retarded guy who cleans the windows at Starbucks in Manuka. His name is Beau, and he's beau-tiful. We're meant to be =P

:yawns, cries a little, spazzes out, fizzles and dies:

Much love,

Rosie.

Before I start this in a normal way, I just experienced something I'd never experienced before. And that is something which is always bloggable.

I went into the kitchen, with visions of a cup of tea. I switched on the light, it flashed on, then blew, and I *heard* it! It sounded like.. for lack of a less lame simile, a waterfall breaking. Imagine you were sitting by a waterfall. And you were just so so at peace that you froze time. And then your waterfall broke. It would sound like this. My tea now tastes slightly of Pepsi because having been plunged into darkness I was too lazy to rinse my cup properly, and had previously been drinking Pepsi.

So, proper introduction. I'm blogging again... but hopefully this time it will be less whining about my lame teen dream life, and more just a record of my thoughts. I was inspired by Lani (http://lifeisabmovie.blogspot.com/) I suppose. She's very thoughtful, and she expresses it far more beautifully than I ever could. Lynette (my English teacher) says I'm very intelligent etc. but have trouble expressing my weird thought patterns to other people. She hopes I'm like Virginia Woolf... I hope so too.

Reading Lani's blog also made me want to listen to Iron and Wine, and drink tea. So I'm doing both. It would appear she has quite an effect on me, no?

Anyway, I also need a camera. Digital. Desperately. But work is sucky and potentially soon to be terminated, and I have many things to buy. Like an external hard-drive (which if I lose my job, I don't really need, and to be honest I don't really need anyway) which I must buy because Josh bought it on the condition I would buy it off him. And I need to sell my Chucks to Emily and buy new ones. And I need to buy credit by Tuesday or I lose my service! And I'll have to pay my dad back for the $30 he's lending me this weekend. And to top it all off? I was meant to be paid around Tuesday/Wednesday, and I haven't been yet. =( I cry. There's just not enough time in my life for me to work enough to get all the money I need... Especially not if I want to pass year 11. Let alone year 12.

Speaking of failing. I'm concerned. I have much much much artwork to produce by like.. Monday. I have done little to none of it. I'm meant to have obviously 6 weeks of work done at the end of this six weeks. And I've done nothing. And I know I have no one to blame but myself. And I think I'm going to V-Grade. And I keep starting sentences with 'and' which I know is very naughty.

"She just might see your soul"

But probably not...

You know who's another great blogger? Melissa. She should blog more often, she doesn't do it nearly enough anymore. (http://miss-midge.blogdrive.com/) Checkit, she's another talented thought writer-downer-er.

Danny asked me the other day (in a fairly substantial letter of his own) how I write so much 'so easily' when I write him letters. I couldn't answer him then, but I think I understand it more now. It's because I like to think in polished internal monologues! It's the only way I can stay on top of things. To clarify my thoughts. They might not seem clarified when I write them to you, but if you were to compare them to when they're unclarified... =\ Scary stuff... Sometimes I think that I think too much. And then I realise that really, I don't think nearly enough. I waste so much breath (and.. bandwidth?) talking about nothing. Complaining about things not worth complaining about. I have it really pretty good. Obviously there are going to be issues, that's a given when you're human, and especially teenaged, but I don't think enough about nice things. Like how very very much I love my friends (even those who are no longer speaking to me - I still want her to cheer up and come back to school and be nice again) and how much I *need* to see them. This holidays I plan to spend many consecutive (sp?) nights away from home just enjoying their company, and exploiting their hospitality, and laughing. (Laughing in a nice way, as in with them because they're funny and awesome and lovely, not laughing because I'm exploiting their hospitality...)

The other day I found a letter from Alexis. It was so so lovely. She said she was absolutely overcome with good feelings, like if she didn't find some way to express her affection she might explode. I had no idea what she meant then, but now I do. Have you ever had one of those moments? Where you just realise how much you love someone and how important they are to you and what a beautiful person they are and how much you never ever ever want them to go away because the world would just be so much darker? No? That's unfortunate... Try it sometime. It's good and bad. Good because it's lovely feeling that way about someone. Bad because there's just no extent of affection giving which will diminish the 'splody feeling.

The Sundays are just lovely. I'm immersed in music lately... In the past 11 days I've downloaded 452 new songs... and I've been away from my computer for 7 of those days! Some of it's rocky, some of it's punky, some of it's floaty-pretty-kill-me-now-I-want-to-be-Shakespearean-and-French-soft-gorgeous-linen-
dresses-and-silk-scarves-on-floorboards-beside-wrought-iron-bed-frames-under-open-windows-with-white-curtains-blowing-in-the-wind music... Noes! My iTunes! It's angry! It refuses to play my beautiful music =( I think I tired it out...

My tea has all been drunk, like Janine and the Baltic Sea, and my music ceases to stimulate my jelly-brain. It's only 12.25 but it's quiet like it's 4 am. I really don't want to go to French in the morning, for fear of seeing my boss, but my dad says I have to face up to things. I say no. It's strange for me to argue, or even disagree, with my father. So does this mean I must be wrong about avoiding French and my boss? Or does it mean he's wrong? I'm ever so confused. I think it's time for tea, and hoping my iTunes will love me again. I may have to resort to Windows Media Player *shiver*.

My teaspoon is unbelievably shiny. All the other teaspoons when beside it in the drawer look dull and lifeless. Why do people sing the praises of sporks etc. when the fragrant simplicity of a shiny teaspoon is there, begging to be noticed and appreciated. Whoever invented spoons was super cool. I like spoons much in the same way I like bubbles, circles, the letters O, P, M, and B, and the number 3. They're smooth (like butta?) and lovely.

So, I keep bitching about my lack of social life nyah? And being annoyed that Danny doesn't invite me to parties, despite the fact that I don't ask, and he's a boy, so I shouldn't expect him to just do it. And I keep being annoyed that all my friends are doing homework. But during this time, of bitching and time wasting, what am *I* doing? Bitching and time wasting, I should be doing homework too! It's a vicious cycle I think. Teachers give me homework and expect me to do it, cyclicly, and viciously.

I have a pounding headache, and time is going super fast, then super slow, and super slow some more. I've all of a sudden remembered how much I need a camera, in order to take myspacey photos of myself. I took the lenses out of my emo glasses, and now intend to paint one lens red and put it back in the glasses when I'm feeling super emo (and like I don't need the depth perception which comes of seeing out of two eyes...). I should probably sleep, seeing as I intend to have a rather large day tomorrow, but it just doesn't look like happening. One would think that being given an outlet to process my thoughts, and pretend like someone's listening to them, would make it easier to be calm and sedated and have less thoughts. That I might be able to rest easier having released all that inner-hubbub. But it really doesn't work like that. I just keep thinking of new things to tell the world, and to think about it, and obsess over.

And I really should stop filling the internet with my crap. But hopefully with time it will become less crap, and more.. philosophical? Doubtful. But less crapful anyway.

So for now, I leave you with a malinkalink, as I shall endeavour to do with every entry. And today, it is a wonderful shirt. Combining revolutionary-ism with DDR. http://buzz-wear.com/ddr.php Go there, buy the shirt, then give it to me!

Much love and feelings of broken waterfalls and missing of my lovely friends,

Rosie