New frecking house.

Need to send photos to my dad. Also need to look at lots of lovely inspiring photos of other peoples' amazing houses. Also need to go house shopping. Oh my.

I've been taking ridiculous photos of myself every time I get my hands on Matt's shiny new laptop. When that coincides with access to Redfern St House's brilliantly unlimited and fast internets, these photos will be posted, in the hundreds, to my pokedex (or, facebook). I can't really justify, or even explain in my own head, why I feel compelled to share these photos with the blagosphere. Maybe I'm just an attention whore.

Some of the pictures are like this...


And some are like this...


And others are like this...



Tonight we cooked dinner. Richie did most of it. Spaghetti bolognaise. It was good, but minty. Dave just threw in a handful of miscellaneous dried green leafy stuff, and it turned out to be mint. We played Mario Kart. Good times. Especially after work got all stressful because the whole suburb had no running water.

Now we're at Redfern St House watching Black Dynamite.


Black Dynamite is about Richard Nixon selling drugs to little black orphans and endorsing a type of liquor which made black men's dicks small. Right now, Richard Nixon and Black Dynamite are fighting with nunchucks.

Which reminds me of another film I watched recently.

It's called Bones. The tagline is "This dogg's got a bone to pick."



It's R rated and it's fucking ridiculous. Snoop Dogg plays the veangeful ghost of a pimp from the 60s, and then his daughter (who doesn't know who her daddy is) becomes friends with some kids who turn Snoop's old crib into a nightclub. Shit gets real. He has a sexy psychic groovy lady friend too.



God damnitttt, I am so ridiculously excited about decorating my house.

And summerrrrrrr.



I still really want to go to Morrocco.



http://oliveaux.blogspot.com/2010/02/moroccan-inspiration.html

Wewwww!

You should watch Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

I actually have nothing of value to say.

Party was preeeetty good. We are househunting still but I'm feeling much more optimistic about it since lodging my tax return, and there are lots of really lovely places to see in Redfern which would be awesome.

I want to go to a party where I can dress up as Cleopatra, preferably just like the Cleopatra girl in the bar in Mars Attacks, which I saw for the first time last night, and it was raaad.

(this is not Cleopatra from Mars Attacks, but Elizabeth-Taylor-Cleopatra would be rad as well.)



Sigh.

Life is good.

Summer is almost here.

Summer is coming.

I am so damn excited.

We're looking for two bedroom places with Dave. It's rad. I actually believe myself when I say things will work out now.

But I think I'm going to have a heart attack.

Not because of anything exciting, just because I've had really weird arm pain all day... Panadol has made it better. It still hurts, but before the Panadol even putting my jacket on hurt so much I thought I might throw up. It's very weird. I think I may have slept on it funny and pinched some nerve or something, or it's an odd manifestation of my rsi.

Tristan has been visiting for the last couple of days and it has been brilliant seeing him again. Had rad hangs last night with a selection of my favourite males; Richie, Tristan, and biggest and littlest Chaplins. We had lovely sunny afternoon beers too. Greatttt.

Have continued to watch amazingly awful movies of late. Like...


Like Munchausen Syndrome, but instead of making her daughter sick, she makes her think her hormones cause things to spontaneously combust.


Amazing 60s film where they use the word 'groovy' and everyone 'digs' each other. Also has a cowboy.


Sex, violence, and 40-something women playing school girls. Plus matronly sodomy.

And also, Moonfire. It is about truck drivers fighting Nazis.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066095/

It doesn't get any better than Banana Joe's range of $2 DVDs.

Ohhhh the hilarity.

I feel better.

Work yesterday was brutal. I worked until 8 on Friday night, then went out and stayed up until like four in the morning. Went to work on Saturday at 9 a.m., worked until 8 p.m., and the day was one of those awful ones where the majority of the time you're bored out of your mind, but when it rains it pours and you suddenly get swamped by a million things to do and a bunch of cranky people.

Then after work, and after a fair amount of confusion to do with meeting up with people and being places, I went home briefly, then over to the new Redfern house. We met up with Steven, and while Richie and I were waiting for him we had nice big chats and came up with a nice little hypothetical housing plan, and bought weird and wonderful foreign softdrinks. We ended up hanging out at Redferm until like 3 a.m. listening to Soulja Boy's new song about Dragon Ball Z (yeah.) and then finally trekked home where I promptly crashed the fuck out because I was deliriously tired.

Then I came to work again at 9 this morning and it's been a similarly on-and-off busy day to Saturday, but I feel much, much better. Yesterday I was cranky at everyone I saw at work, and today I'm full of energy. I think I got so tired I passed the wall, and now I could go for yearsssss. But I am still really looking forward to nice warm comfy bed when I get home.

So, the hypothetical house plan.

Basically, Richie and I still live together, but, we have two houses! Richie's going to try to take over Noriko's old lease, for her little bedsit down the road from the new Redfern house. Then, I'm going to hopefully get an apartment at work, like 4 doors down the hallway from my office. So, we'll each have our own place, with all our stuff, but we'll pretty much move back and forth as we please when it's convenient. So when I have early starts at work, or just want to be in Kings Cross for whatever reason, we can stay at my house, and when I have the morning or the day off and we hang out at the new Redfern house we've got a nice place to crash that's just around the corner, right next door to Amy & Harry's place, and near all our favourite Redfern cafes and such (and the bagel shop!).

I think it's an okay plan, and we can afford it because I get paid more if I live at work because I can be on call, and Noriko's studio is amazingly cheap, so Richie can even afford it while he's still looking for a job. Though we should probably just find a place somewhere in between with more space.

I totally freaked out yesterday. I got so so stressed out I was on the verge of tears for most of the day, and I felt like everything was just falling to pieces. I started to think that maybe it won't be okay, maybe this one awful situation won't sort itself out, and we'll get totally fucked over, and maybe things like that will just continue to happen and things will never be okay again. I couldn't comprehend how so many people, the majority of people, just deal. They have somewhere to live and they go to work every day and they have friends and they deal with the world. I felt like I could just never do it, like I couldn't cope. So yeah, basically I really really freaked out and got very upset.

But I think things will be okay.

I get to go home in four hours. And although I do have work tomorrow, it's not until 2, so I am essentially free after 8 p.m. tonight. Can't wait.

Househunting Blues

Okay. So maybe now I am stressed.

It's been months since I've really been worried, or stressed, or upset about anything really, but this moving business is getting me down.

It's like this, right? Millzy and Noriko got a house. Sim is going to move in with them. Their house is awesome and I'm heaps jealous. But sadly this leaves us with no Sim, and thus we have to get a stranger in the room quick smart if we're ever going to pay all the overdue rent we'll need to come up with to actually move out. It also makes things that little bit harder working out who we will live with.

The rest of us kind of want to live together, and kind of want to live alone.

Dave wants to live with Phil, I think ideally he wants all of us to just stick together like we are now, but he's also not too keen on living with the dog, and I doubt he really wants to live with Richard and I as a couple.

Phil would love to live with Dave, but Chloe (the dog) comes first. He's happy to live by himself, but he doesn't want to fuck over Dave if Dave really wants to live with him. He'd like to live with us, but then the dog comes back into it.

Richard seems to not quite know what he wants. He doesn't want to live with Phil because he doesn't want to live with the dog. He doesn't want to live with just me because it would be too much like we were married. I don't know how he feels about living with just Dave. And he wants his own space because he's only had a room totally to himself for about 6 months of his life. He's even been talking about moving back to Canberra for a while, and then moving to Melbourne. But every time it comes up, and we talk about it a little bit, and I say "I thought that we were thinking about living in different houses, not different cities. I don't want to live in different cities." he says he knows, and it's okay, he's not going anywhere, but I just don't know.

I love him so much. He's so smart, and he's kind of introverted. He spends a lot of time in his head. I know he wants experiences. I don't know how one defines 'experiences', but I know what he means. No matter how much he reassures me it's not going to happen, I always have this fear, when he's being pensive, that one day I'll come home and he'll be gone, off to explore the world or whatever. It scares the living shit out of me and I think about it every day now. I want him to be happy, and I want him to be able to do his own thing. I don't want to tie him down. But I feel like he can't see a way to grow, to learn more about himself, to experience the world, he can't see a way to be his own person if we're joined at the hip. Everyone sees us a 2-for-1 deal, and I don't think he likes that. The 2-for-1 thing makes finding a house harder too. I want to be with him, every second of the day, but I'm so scared of stifling him. If he moved to a different city, I would drop everything and follow him, but that's not what he wants. If it was, he'd say it. He'd tell me how wonderful it would be, and how he wants to share it with me, that it wouldn't be the same without me. But he doesn't say that, and it's heartbreaking. (This paragraph is getting a little too personal. I'll leave it here.)

I just want a house. And I want to live with Richard, because I never ever want to wake up in the morning without him there because I love him, I love him like fucking crazy. I want a nice place, near the city. I want to get my shit sorted and live in a nice house and cook nice meals and enjoy inviting people over to my lovely house.

I would really like to live in this house:




If Richard, Dave and I got a place, and Phil moved out on his own with Chloe, we could live in this house.

But everyone has so many damn requirements that there is absolutely no way to make everybody happy, especially Richard.

I know he's stressing about it a lot too. He keeps saying he just needs more time to think about it, but I don't know what purpose it will really serve, because there's no way any of us can get everything we want. I can only assume that he's thinking about whether he wants to live on his own. If he did he could probably take over Noriko's old lease. It'd be just down the road from Sim's house, and super affordable, but he's not sure. If he did, Dave and I could still afford the beautiful house because it's walking distance from my work so I'd get paid to be on call sometimes.

Big clincher is, we've got 4 weeks or less to find something. We also then have to come up with bond, and keep paying rent until we move. Plus there's the whole finding a new housemate to replace Simeon thing.

Basically it's all a big fucking drama and I'm absolutely sick of it and it makes me want to cry.

I'm trying to take deep breaths. I'm trying to convince myself that I'm right. That everything will work itself out. That no matter what this problem brings us, we'll be okay and we'll still be happy, because we have each other and we're young and life is good. But today, that's a lot harder to believe than it usually is.

Highlights.

Some things, from this year.



We went to the country. It was a failed mission. But not all bad.



I went jetskiing, and it was awesome. This isn't a photo of anything jetski related, but of us filling up the car before going to coast. I liked the idea that our car ran on Pepsi.



I hacked all my hair off, and liked it very much. I think I'll keep it short for a while.



We moved house, and our bedroom has a stained glass window. It's one of my favourite places in the world now. It's always warm, if very messy.







We went to the folk festival, as usual. But this year the festival outdid itself. It was the best I've been to so far. I loved every minute. I want to run away and join the gypsies.



My kitten. Not technically mine, she was my housemate Dave's, but I loved her like she was mine. Somebody ran her over a few weeks ago. She was sweet and affectionate and funny looking and beautiful.

Really, this has been a good year.

I feel like we triumphed in the face of adversity. So many things went to shit, but we kept it together, and now we're in a good place. There are still some shitty things, but we're getting over them, they don't really matter.

All my needs are covered, the rest is just detail.

I have a newfound drive. I want to get shit done. And I know that I can.

I'm still really determined to travel. It always seems like as my income increases, so do my expenses and I don't know how. I'm just bad with money. But tomorrow I will go to the bank and open a new account, a savings account which I can't touch, and little by little, I'll get there. I want to go to Prague in Spring. I want to go to Morocco. I want to go to the Caribbean. Anais Nin says that in Morocco you rediscover the word 'azure'. I want to go to the Deep South and see real live rednecks.



By this point in my holiday dreaming I have become overstimulated and am in danger of injuring myself.

I bid you adieu.