I'm back.

Let's see how long this lasts.

Usually, when picking up an old journal or blog or whatever, I rip out (or delete) everything I've written before. Then in a few years' time, I wonder what happened to it and wish I could read it again. Usually I do it because I've written about sad things, things which still sting. I'm slowly reading back over everything here. And some of it is sad, but a lot of it makes me really happy.

My priorities haven't changed that much. I still value the same things. Like my beautiful friends, my lover, my family, as well as things like kittens, and incense, and having a Moroccan-love-nest themed bedroom, and wanting to grow sunflowers.

I feel like I'm getting happier all the time. And for a while, I thought that optimism, the kind of whole-world-everything-is-brilliant-always optimism which I had for so long, was bullshit. But it's not. It's not absolute. But nothing is. Bad things happen, usually to good people, but that doesn't mean it's not going to be okay, or that the world isn't a beautiful place. I've realised this, over the last few years, and maybe everyone else already knew it, but it feels important.

I think a lot about children. About what I would do differently to my parents, and I constantly realise how many things don't make that list. I look at my sister, and I feel myself wanting to tell her things my mum told me, which I resented at the time. Things I know I would tell my daughter. I've realised that I am more like my mother than I could have ever imagined. And I'm more okay with it than I ever thought I would be.

Nothing stresses me anymore. I have an unerring faith that things will work themselves out. And that doesn't mean I don't care. I care very much. And it doesn't mean that I'm lazy (though I guess I am), and it doesn't mean I don't try. I just don't sweat the small stuff. I find the positive. When I have an awful day at work, by the time I get home I'm in a great mood, because I'm so excited to see everyone.

Maybe it's just that things are going pretty well for me. And even a couple of months ago, when technically things weren't so good, when I was jobless and crazy broke, I was still having fun. But I don't know. I like to think I'm just a happy kind of person.

So, this is kind of like the intro. Setting the scene. Things are going pretty well, I'm doing a lot of musing, usually in the margins of books, so I think I need to pull all that together and cement it, into some solid form.

So many things inspire me at the moment that I don't know where to start. So this is the start. And I'll be back, soon.