Before I start this in a normal way, I just experienced something I'd never experienced before. And that is something which is always bloggable.

I went into the kitchen, with visions of a cup of tea. I switched on the light, it flashed on, then blew, and I *heard* it! It sounded like.. for lack of a less lame simile, a waterfall breaking. Imagine you were sitting by a waterfall. And you were just so so at peace that you froze time. And then your waterfall broke. It would sound like this. My tea now tastes slightly of Pepsi because having been plunged into darkness I was too lazy to rinse my cup properly, and had previously been drinking Pepsi.

So, proper introduction. I'm blogging again... but hopefully this time it will be less whining about my lame teen dream life, and more just a record of my thoughts. I was inspired by Lani (http://lifeisabmovie.blogspot.com/) I suppose. She's very thoughtful, and she expresses it far more beautifully than I ever could. Lynette (my English teacher) says I'm very intelligent etc. but have trouble expressing my weird thought patterns to other people. She hopes I'm like Virginia Woolf... I hope so too.

Reading Lani's blog also made me want to listen to Iron and Wine, and drink tea. So I'm doing both. It would appear she has quite an effect on me, no?

Anyway, I also need a camera. Digital. Desperately. But work is sucky and potentially soon to be terminated, and I have many things to buy. Like an external hard-drive (which if I lose my job, I don't really need, and to be honest I don't really need anyway) which I must buy because Josh bought it on the condition I would buy it off him. And I need to sell my Chucks to Emily and buy new ones. And I need to buy credit by Tuesday or I lose my service! And I'll have to pay my dad back for the $30 he's lending me this weekend. And to top it all off? I was meant to be paid around Tuesday/Wednesday, and I haven't been yet. =( I cry. There's just not enough time in my life for me to work enough to get all the money I need... Especially not if I want to pass year 11. Let alone year 12.

Speaking of failing. I'm concerned. I have much much much artwork to produce by like.. Monday. I have done little to none of it. I'm meant to have obviously 6 weeks of work done at the end of this six weeks. And I've done nothing. And I know I have no one to blame but myself. And I think I'm going to V-Grade. And I keep starting sentences with 'and' which I know is very naughty.

"She just might see your soul"

But probably not...

You know who's another great blogger? Melissa. She should blog more often, she doesn't do it nearly enough anymore. (http://miss-midge.blogdrive.com/) Checkit, she's another talented thought writer-downer-er.

Danny asked me the other day (in a fairly substantial letter of his own) how I write so much 'so easily' when I write him letters. I couldn't answer him then, but I think I understand it more now. It's because I like to think in polished internal monologues! It's the only way I can stay on top of things. To clarify my thoughts. They might not seem clarified when I write them to you, but if you were to compare them to when they're unclarified... =\ Scary stuff... Sometimes I think that I think too much. And then I realise that really, I don't think nearly enough. I waste so much breath (and.. bandwidth?) talking about nothing. Complaining about things not worth complaining about. I have it really pretty good. Obviously there are going to be issues, that's a given when you're human, and especially teenaged, but I don't think enough about nice things. Like how very very much I love my friends (even those who are no longer speaking to me - I still want her to cheer up and come back to school and be nice again) and how much I *need* to see them. This holidays I plan to spend many consecutive (sp?) nights away from home just enjoying their company, and exploiting their hospitality, and laughing. (Laughing in a nice way, as in with them because they're funny and awesome and lovely, not laughing because I'm exploiting their hospitality...)

The other day I found a letter from Alexis. It was so so lovely. She said she was absolutely overcome with good feelings, like if she didn't find some way to express her affection she might explode. I had no idea what she meant then, but now I do. Have you ever had one of those moments? Where you just realise how much you love someone and how important they are to you and what a beautiful person they are and how much you never ever ever want them to go away because the world would just be so much darker? No? That's unfortunate... Try it sometime. It's good and bad. Good because it's lovely feeling that way about someone. Bad because there's just no extent of affection giving which will diminish the 'splody feeling.

The Sundays are just lovely. I'm immersed in music lately... In the past 11 days I've downloaded 452 new songs... and I've been away from my computer for 7 of those days! Some of it's rocky, some of it's punky, some of it's floaty-pretty-kill-me-now-I-want-to-be-Shakespearean-and-French-soft-gorgeous-linen-
dresses-and-silk-scarves-on-floorboards-beside-wrought-iron-bed-frames-under-open-windows-with-white-curtains-blowing-in-the-wind music... Noes! My iTunes! It's angry! It refuses to play my beautiful music =( I think I tired it out...

My tea has all been drunk, like Janine and the Baltic Sea, and my music ceases to stimulate my jelly-brain. It's only 12.25 but it's quiet like it's 4 am. I really don't want to go to French in the morning, for fear of seeing my boss, but my dad says I have to face up to things. I say no. It's strange for me to argue, or even disagree, with my father. So does this mean I must be wrong about avoiding French and my boss? Or does it mean he's wrong? I'm ever so confused. I think it's time for tea, and hoping my iTunes will love me again. I may have to resort to Windows Media Player *shiver*.

My teaspoon is unbelievably shiny. All the other teaspoons when beside it in the drawer look dull and lifeless. Why do people sing the praises of sporks etc. when the fragrant simplicity of a shiny teaspoon is there, begging to be noticed and appreciated. Whoever invented spoons was super cool. I like spoons much in the same way I like bubbles, circles, the letters O, P, M, and B, and the number 3. They're smooth (like butta?) and lovely.

So, I keep bitching about my lack of social life nyah? And being annoyed that Danny doesn't invite me to parties, despite the fact that I don't ask, and he's a boy, so I shouldn't expect him to just do it. And I keep being annoyed that all my friends are doing homework. But during this time, of bitching and time wasting, what am *I* doing? Bitching and time wasting, I should be doing homework too! It's a vicious cycle I think. Teachers give me homework and expect me to do it, cyclicly, and viciously.

I have a pounding headache, and time is going super fast, then super slow, and super slow some more. I've all of a sudden remembered how much I need a camera, in order to take myspacey photos of myself. I took the lenses out of my emo glasses, and now intend to paint one lens red and put it back in the glasses when I'm feeling super emo (and like I don't need the depth perception which comes of seeing out of two eyes...). I should probably sleep, seeing as I intend to have a rather large day tomorrow, but it just doesn't look like happening. One would think that being given an outlet to process my thoughts, and pretend like someone's listening to them, would make it easier to be calm and sedated and have less thoughts. That I might be able to rest easier having released all that inner-hubbub. But it really doesn't work like that. I just keep thinking of new things to tell the world, and to think about it, and obsess over.

And I really should stop filling the internet with my crap. But hopefully with time it will become less crap, and more.. philosophical? Doubtful. But less crapful anyway.

So for now, I leave you with a malinkalink, as I shall endeavour to do with every entry. And today, it is a wonderful shirt. Combining revolutionary-ism with DDR. http://buzz-wear.com/ddr.php Go there, buy the shirt, then give it to me!

Much love and feelings of broken waterfalls and missing of my lovely friends,

Rosie